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That Voice In Your Head: Friend Or Foe? Science Of Self-Talk
Hear it Here - bit.ly/selftalktrenton
00:00:00 This is The Path to Calm
00:06:42 The Science of Self-Talk
00:15:05 The Dialogical Self Theory
00:16:23 The Relational Frame Theory (RFT)
00:18:01 Self-Talk as an Amplifier
00:24:09 Eenie, Meenie, Minie, Moe
• Have you ever noticed a voice inside your head that is constantly chattering about something or the other right from the moment you wake up? You might have grown so accustomed to it that you barely notice it anymore, but it's definitely there, and it’s either hurting or helping you. No perspective is truly neutral. This voice, a part of your stream of consciousness, is an inner monologue that runs alongside your life, observing and commenting on its various happenings. It tells you who you are, and how you should feel about your identity and the events that occur in your life.
• There are three main types of inner voices or self-talk. The first is positive self-talk, which acts as a continuous reaffirmation of the good things about you and your life. This type of inner voice bolsters our confidence and elevates happiness levels. However, on the other end lies negative self-talk. This voice is always critical and saying degrading things to us about who we are, what we do, etc. If left uncontrolled, it can lead to several mental health issues. The third type is neutral self-talk, which simply consists of unbiased observations as we walk through life—although this almost always has a positive or negative subtext.
• Our inner voice, regardless of type, represents the inner representation we have of ourselves. Often, this is not consistent with reality. The way we think we are and what we actually are can be miles apart, but reality seldom matters if we’re convinced that things are a certain way. This leads to why having healthy self-talk is so important. It influences our thoughts, perceptions, and the way we view ourselves, all of which have physiological correlations that affect how we feel and behave. The basis behind this is neuroplasticity, as the more you repeat something, the more it changes your brain’s structure and becomes your reality.
• If you’re wondering what exactly counts as self-talk, it includes positive or negative statements we say to ourselves, our ruminations, racing thoughts, and the conversations we have with ourselves. Regulating this self-talk can have many positive effects that are essential to our well-being, such as improving sports performances, reducing stress, promoting better self-esteem, and helping us cope with the ups and downs of life. Monitoring self-talk is the key to changing your emotions, behavior, perspective, and life potential.
Transcript
This is The Path to Calm for April 15, 2024.
Speaker:Today's episode dives deep into the world within, exploring the power of self-talk.
Speaker:This concept comes from the book, Transform Your Self-Talk by Nick Trenton.
Speaker:For more information, check out Nick Trenton's website at bit.ly-slash-nick-trenton.
Speaker:We all have that inner voice constantly narrating our lives, but is it helping us or hurting
Speaker:us?
Speaker:Let's find out.
Speaker:It's been so long sometimes.
Speaker:You barely even notice it, that little voice inside that quietly narrates, judges, encourages,
Speaker:explains or interprets the world around you.
Speaker:Though you may recognize the concept of an inner voice from self-help literature, the
Speaker:fact is there's nothing abstract or mysterious about this inner chatter.
Speaker:Self-Talk actually has a surprising body of scientific evidence behind it, informing a
Speaker:fascinating set of theories that seek to understand exactly what's happening when we
Speaker:talk to ourselves.
Speaker:In this book, we'll take a closer look at what self-talk actually is, the various theories
Speaker:that have been proposed over the years to explain the phenomenon, and the facts we've
Speaker:amassed so far about both its psychology and physiology.
Speaker:We'll discover the different types of self-talk, investigate why it happens, explore what's
Speaker:normal and what's not, and most importantly, we'll see that self-talk can be changed for
Speaker:the better.
Speaker:As Bruce Lee famously said, as you think, so shall you become.
Speaker:Using a series of scientifically supported techniques to identify and improve your self-talk,
Speaker:you can take more conscious control of your thinking and perceptions, boosting confidence,
Speaker:self-mastery and resilience in a challenging world.
Speaker:Self-talk is something we do every day, and this is partially why it's so hard for us
Speaker:to change.
Speaker:We don't even realize we're doing it.
Speaker:You wake up in the morning, and the second you open your eyes, the stream of thoughts
Speaker:starts flowing.
Speaker:What day is it?
Speaker:Oh, right, Tuesday.
Speaker:I mustn't forget that appointment this afternoon.
Speaker:God, I have such a bad memory.
Speaker:Why am I such an idiot all the time?
Speaker:I bet I'll forget it, typical.
Speaker:I'm always doing things like that.
Speaker:Oh, look.
Speaker:It seems like it'll be a sunny day today.
Speaker:That reminds me.
Speaker:I have to get my moles scanned done at some point.
Speaker:But what if it's cancer?
Speaker:But it's not going to be.
Speaker:I mean, it might be.
Speaker:That'd be just my luck.
Speaker:Granaette Matilda had skin cancer, I think.
Speaker:If I die of cancer, who would look after my kids?
Speaker:That would literally be the worst thing I could think of.
Speaker:But what's the point in getting it checked out?
Speaker:Doctors are all useless.
Speaker:Oh, that reminds me.
Speaker:You may not do all this every day, but you likely do some of this some days.
Speaker:Self-talk is that stream of conscious, ongoing internal dialogue that runs inside our minds,
Speaker:affecting every aspect of our lives, from our moods to our behavior, to our self-confidence,
Speaker:to our appraisal of risk and reward.
Speaker:It's the constant conversation we have with ourselves.
Speaker:It can be neutral and mostly observational.
Speaker:Oh, right, it's Tuesday.
Speaker:Or filled with criticism, pessimism, doom, and gloom.
Speaker:I shouldn't try that.
Speaker:I'm not good enough.
Speaker:Often, all of the above become inseparable from the objective truth of a matter.
Speaker:Our inner self-talk is the built-in narrator that runs alongside our lives, playing over
Speaker:everyday activities, and in the background of every action or decision we make.
Speaker:This narration colors the entire tone of our lived experience, telling us how to interpret
Speaker:both good and bad experiences and how to understand ourselves and our place in the world.
Speaker:It amounts to a narrative we tell ourselves, and this narrative is solidified well before
Speaker:we become adults.
Speaker:Importantly, self-talk can be unconscious or conscious, negative or positive, beneficial
Speaker:to our lives or working entirely against our best interests.
Speaker:With some awareness and effort, negative and self-defeating inner talk can be identified
Speaker:and changed so that the voice in your head supports rather than undermines you.
Speaker:There are three primary types of self-talk.
Speaker:The most obvious type is negative self-talk, and the thought stream above is a prime example.
Speaker:These pessimistic interpretations, judgments, accusations, complaints, and catastrophic
Speaker:predictions leave us feeling awful.
Speaker:Some people, in some circumstances, might find negative self-talk motivational, but
Speaker:this comprises only a small percentage of negative self-talk.
Speaker:They said I can't do this, I'll prove them wrong, versus I'm not good enough to do it,
Speaker:so I just won't try.
Speaker:This is your inner self-critic who always sees the glass as half-empty.
Speaker:He can be useful and warn us about certain dangers, but again, that only takes place
Speaker:a rather small percentage of the time.
Speaker:On the other hand, true motivational self-talk, or positive self-talk, is that which actively
Speaker:encourages and supports us as we navigate life's challenges, aim for our goals, or cope with
Speaker:difficulties.
Speaker:This can be an affirmation-style phrase that you consciously use to correct biased thinking,
Speaker:or it can be simply smiling at yourself in the mirror before an interview and saying I'm
Speaker:going to be great, I can do this, and I certainly deserve it.
Speaker:Instructional self-talk is the bulk of the internal conversation and consists of simple
Speaker:observations and comments, while instructional self-talk is the kind of dialogue we have
Speaker:with ourselves to help us through certain tasks, sports, or performance.
Speaker:For example, keep looking straight ahead.
Speaker:Easy does it, and okay, try again, but this time, focus on the ball.
Speaker:But even these statements can take a positive or negative tone if not carefully managed.
Speaker:For the purposes of our book, we'll be looking primarily at negative and positive or motivational
Speaker:self-talk and how to turn the former into the latter.
Speaker:The Science of Self-Talk
Speaker:In 1911, neurologist Dr. Gordon Morgan Holmes and Dr. Henry Head published a series of papers
Speaker:exploring the connection between the body and the brain.
Speaker:They related a story of Victorian women who at the time would have worn large, fashionable
Speaker:feather hats and would sometimes duck to walk through a doorway even when they weren't
Speaker:wearing the hats.
Speaker:Why?
Speaker:The idea is that a person's mind holds a mental picture of what their body looks like
Speaker:and acts accordingly.
Speaker:Dr. Branch Coslett of the University of Pennsylvania found over a century later in 2013 that women
Speaker:with anorexia did something similar.
Speaker:They angled their bodies through doorways as though to squeeze through even when they
Speaker:clearly had enough room.
Speaker:Their mental image of themselves didn't match their actual selves.
Speaker:What these seemingly simple observations tell us is something rather important that we all
Speaker:have a mental representation of ourselves that may or may not align with reality.
Speaker:We do need this internal representation, or else we'd bump into things a lot more often,
Speaker:but some studies suggest that to our brains, imagining certain actions is no different
Speaker:neurologically to actually doing them.
Speaker:It's not merely a mysterious suggestion that thoughts create your reality.
Speaker:There is a mounting body of evidence suggesting that the way you see yourself has a profound
Speaker:effect on your perceptions, your mental health, your behavior, and even things like your experience
Speaker:of pain and illness.
Speaker:Self-talk is the soundtrack that constantly informs us of these departures from objective
Speaker:reality, for better or worse.
Speaker:Better stated, self-talk is one of the mechanisms we use to establish and maintain this inner
Speaker:representation of ourselves.
Speaker:Using narratives and certain kinds of language, we employ considerable brain power to literally
Speaker:tell ourselves who we are, and it goes way beyond giving yourself a pep talk in the mirror
Speaker:or saying an affirmation.
Speaker:Here's a quick demonstration on the power of self-talk and just how specific it can
Speaker:be.
Speaker:Professor Ethan Cross of the University of Michigan published research in 2014 that
Speaker:showed using i-pronouns in self-talk caused more stress and precluded feelings of self-love
Speaker:when compared to using your own name or you.
Speaker:Have you ever spoken to yourself in the second person, e.g., John, you've done it again,
Speaker:or you're just tired right now?
Speaker:The linguistic distance created by this small shift is enough to remove you somewhat from
Speaker:your actions, allowing you to be kinder to yourself and give yourself more objective
Speaker:support.
Speaker:This small change in self-talk alone seems to help people act more rationally and self-regulate
Speaker:more effectively.
Speaker:We all know how much easier it can be to be compassionate towards others than ourselves.
Speaker:This shift in self-talk allows us to treat ourselves from the outside looking in.
Speaker:It's almost unfathomable for such a transformation to come from something so small, but that
Speaker:is indeed the basis of this book.
Speaker:Just how damaging our normal and frequent words to ourselves are and how much we can
Speaker:seize upon our potential with small changes.
Speaker:For another quick demonstration of this impact, psychologist David Sarwer asks his patients
Speaker:with eating disorders to stand in front of a mirror and use more neutral, non-judgmental
Speaker:language to talk about what they see.
Speaker:Instead of saying, my stomach is revolting and fat and my legs are disgusting, they practice
Speaker:saying, my stomach is round, my legs are pale, soft, and bigger at the top.
Speaker:The idea is that you change your life not by changing your life, but by first changing
Speaker:your inner representation of your life.
Speaker:Just as an anorexic will never feel good about their bodies no matter what they look like,
Speaker:it's no use tackling external phenomenon when the problem might lie with your inner perceptions.
Speaker:Just as we construct mental models of what our physical body looks like so that we can
Speaker:interact with the world, we do the same on a psychological, emotional, rational, and even
Speaker:spiritual level.
Speaker:It turns out Bruce Lee was right, the underlying message is what's important and not necessarily
Speaker:attending to the symptoms of something deeper.
Speaker:Dr. Shad Helmstetter is an independent researcher who studied and observed the Amway multi-level
Speaker:marketing business model as an outsider for many years.
Speaker:He was interested in what we all secretly say to ourselves, in their case what convinced
Speaker:people to join and buy into such an organization.
Speaker:We found that the way we talk to ourselves has profound effects on our self-perception,
Speaker:which in turn goes on to affect our behavior, choices, opinions, identity, relationships,
Speaker:and more.
Speaker:This mechanism alone may explain why some people reach success while others seem to perpetually
Speaker:self-jeopardize.
Speaker:Rather than believing that success is something meant for others, something that we have to
Speaker:be born with or even just pure luck, Dr. Helmstetter tried to show that the basic architecture
Speaker:of success was all in the head.
Speaker:The brain, he says, begins to believe whatever is repeated most often.
Speaker:If you consistently program yourself with self-talk that is positive and supportive,
Speaker:with time you create a real physical reality that matches up with this representation of
Speaker:yourself.
Speaker:Whether it's in the area of business, relationships, family, learning, navigating life's challenges,
Speaker:or all of these, our lives reflect the self-talk we adopt.
Speaker:And actually, there's quite a bit of neuroscience to support this idea.
Speaker:Indeed, an entire area of brain study, including habits, muscle memory, schemas, automatic actions,
Speaker:and heuristics is involved.
Speaker:Neuroplasticity is the key.
Speaker:I.e., the characteristic of the brain that means it can always change physiologically
Speaker:and psychologically.
Speaker:Neuroplasticity is how any type of habit is formed.
Speaker:It may be helpful to think of each repetition as wearing a small groove in the brain's
Speaker:pathways.
Speaker:The more repetitions of any given thought or behavior, the deeper the groove gets, and
Speaker:the more ingrained it becomes within us.
Speaker:This means that whatever story you're currently telling yourself, you can always stop and
Speaker:tell a new one.
Speaker:But it also means that the current story will be tough to shake.
Speaker:There is a physical consequence to the thoughts we hold and the stories we tell.
Speaker:Those with more negative thinking have actually been shown to have less neuronal development
Speaker:in certain areas of the brain than those who think positively, who develop more in the
Speaker:left-prefrontal cortex of the brain.
Speaker:This is a big deal.
Speaker:It means that positive thinking is not merely some whimsical nonsense or a comforting delusion.
Speaker:It's a way of actually, literally and physically remodeling your brain to suit your own purposes.
Speaker:Besides the neuroplasticity angle of self-talk, there are two additional major theories.
Speaker:The first is basically that there are many discrete eye viewpoints within one person
Speaker:and that these viewpoints engage one another in internal conversation, i.e., self-talk is
Speaker:essentially an inner dialogue between different parts of yourself.
Speaker:This is called the dialogical self-theory, DST.
Speaker:The other theory suggests that ordinary language and inner self-talk are basically the same
Speaker:thing and are both relational.
Speaker:There is a two-way relationship between words and their meanings, and this relationship
Speaker:comes from within us and from the society we live in.
Speaker:This is called the relational frame theory.
Speaker:The dialogical self-theory.
Speaker:The eye in self-talk can be many different people, a child, a parent, a worker, a partner,
Speaker:an adversary, etc.
Speaker:Each of these identities has different feelings, desires, needs and fears, and sometimes they
Speaker:conflict with one another.
Speaker:The eye that is a diligent employee may conflict with the eye that is a loving parent.
Speaker:For example, missing time with your child because you often work overtime at a job you
Speaker:also love.
Speaker:And the resulting inner dialogue is one that can help us resolve the tension or else keep
Speaker:us feeling trapped and unhappy.
Speaker:Have you ever heard a judgmental inner voice only to realize it's not really your own,
Speaker:but the voice of an internalized parent, boss or partner?
Speaker:This happens because the perspectives of others can become part of our own dialogical selves.
Speaker:Dialogical self-theory may be a useful theory to work with if you frequently find your self-talk
Speaker:arguing against itself or you often feel guilty, unsure of who you are, conflicted and so on.
Speaker:By asking how your various perspectives interact with each other, you can begin to find cooperation
Speaker:between them.
Speaker:The Relational Frame Theory RFT Language, self-talk and emotion are all constantly
Speaker:engaging with one another.
Speaker:Self-talk and language in general share one interesting characteristic in common.
Speaker:They are relational.
Speaker:This means that we respond to a stimulus in terms of another stimulus.
Speaker:Things are like or unlike other things, or they relate to them in hierarchical, special
Speaker:or comparative terms.
Speaker:In other words, language constantly refers back to itself.
Speaker:Self-talk is also relational in this way, and all the symbols it uses are interconnected
Speaker:to one another every time we ruminate, overthink, self-criticize or indeed self-praise.
Speaker:The benefits of language largely depend on how we use it.
Speaker:We can use language to dream up all sorts of novel and even impossible concepts, but
Speaker:we are always deeply affected by the language we use.
Speaker:It follows then that we should be aware of and willing to rework the relational frames
Speaker:we employ in our self-talk.
Speaker:Both theories are attractive and go a long way to explaining the phenomena that modern
Speaker:cognitive psychology research is investigating to this day.
Speaker:For our purposes, however, the most important takeaway is that self-talk is not a fixed
Speaker:fact of life, but can be changed no matter the mechanism through which it presents.
Speaker:These theories are focused on the why, and we are focused on the how to change and improve
Speaker:in this book.
Speaker:Self-talk as an amplifier.
Speaker:Talking aloud to oneself conjures up certain images, perhaps a mad scientist furiously muttering
Speaker:to himself as he works.
Speaker:You've probably heard the old wives' tales that talking to yourself means you're crazy,
Speaker:and many people are reluctant to admit it or feel embarrassed if caught talking aloud
Speaker:to themselves.
Speaker:Do you loudly chastise yourself for making a mistake, give yourself a little pep talk
Speaker:in the bathroom mirror before a first date, or mentally say things like, okay, think carefully,
Speaker:where did you leave it, don't panic?
Speaker:Rest assured, this is all perfectly normal.
Speaker:When you think about it, isn't this exactly what thinking is?
Speaker:Most of us are engaged in an almost non-stop stream of self-talk and talk to ourselves
Speaker:so often that we've actually become unaware of ourselves doing it.
Speaker:Inner talk is one thing, but people can worry that talking out loud to themselves is somehow
Speaker:different and spells trouble.
Speaker:Actually, it's a habit that is astoundingly common and can even help us process things
Speaker:better.
Speaker:For example, speaking thoughts aloud slows them down and heightens focused awareness.
Speaker:By activating our language centers, we concretize and formalize our thoughts into something we
Speaker:can work with more tangibly, and this often has the effect of calming us down.
Speaker:Self-talk has the capacity to amplify whatever you want, but it comes down to whether you
Speaker:can harness this power.
Speaker:Talking to yourself engages your metacognition and higher-order processing and gives you
Speaker:a chance to process emotions.
Speaker:In fact, grasping the fundamentals of language and self-talk may be the very thing that helps
Speaker:us develop self-control as children according to developmental psychologist Jean Piaget.
Speaker:An interesting 2001 study by Gruber and Cramon found that monkeys use different parts of
Speaker:their brain to do a visual matching task than they do an auditory matching task, but
Speaker:humans actually use both areas of the brain for both activities.
Speaker:However, the study also showed that humans can behave more like monkeys in this respect
Speaker:if they prevent self-talk.
Speaker:For example, by saying mindless words like blah, blah, blah during the task, this study
Speaker:shows that self-talk has direct effects on our self-control of our behavior, or rather,
Speaker:it has the potential to aid us in broad and fundamental ways.
Speaker:A study by Alexander Kirkham at Bangor University showed that talking out loud enhances self-control
Speaker:when doing a task, more so than merely saying things quietly in your own mind.
Speaker:Concentration skills and overall performance were improved in those who spoke aloud as
Speaker:they completed a task, so the next time you talk aloud to yourself, be grateful for the
Speaker:hard work your brain might be doing for you.
Speaker:Occupational therapist Dr. Julia Harper explains, however, that just because self-talk is common
Speaker:and normal, that doesn't necessarily mean it's always beneficial.
Speaker:The way we talk to ourselves makes all the difference.
Speaker:It may seem fairly obvious, but the good kind of self-talk is all about neutral and helpful
Speaker:statements, using positive and supportive language, which frames things in a way that
Speaker:is more likely to inspire your success.
Speaker:In other words, the content and emotional tone of what you say matters most.
Speaker:Random and distracting thoughts running in every direction, mindless mental chatter,
Speaker:and an inability to focus on relevant information can in fact be bad for our mental health.
Speaker:An out-of-control, wandering mind may have us unconsciously linking ideas and making
Speaker:nonsensical associations that can lead to inappropriate responses or incoherence.
Speaker:But note that it's not self-talk per se that is the problem, but whether we're able
Speaker:to use self-talk properly and appropriately to serve our goals.
Speaker:When used with discernment, self-talk has plenty of benefits.
Speaker:A 2012 study in the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology by Lupian and Swingley showed that
Speaker:people more quickly found lost objects when they repeated out loud the name of the object
Speaker:to themselves as they searched.
Speaker:Neuroscientist Dr. Don Vaughn also explains that talking out loud while studying boosts
Speaker:retention and self-talk can act as a kind of spoken journal to help you work through
Speaker:difficult emotions.
Speaker:Self-talk is a way for the brain to organize its thoughts, solidify memories, regulate
Speaker:emotions, and plan future behavior.
Speaker:Talking out loud is no different from silent self-talk, but merely an extension of it.
Speaker:Ultimately, self-talk is not something that is only normal, but potentially very useful,
Speaker:if done consciously.
Speaker:We'll discuss becoming more aware of and mindful of inner-talk later in the book, but
Speaker:for now, whenever you talk to yourself, commit to actually listening as well.
Speaker:Pause and take a moment to process.
Speaker:Ask yourself questions and give yourself support or encouragement.
Speaker:Talking out loud to yourself is not a sign of mental illness, but could actually be evidence
Speaker:of high cognitive function, memory, and conscious control of your intellectual faculties.
Speaker:That being said, anxious and uncontrollable mental chatter that runs away with itself
Speaker:is not likely to have the same effect.
Speaker:If you are up in the early hours of the morning ruminating and getting carried away with anxious
Speaker:thoughts, you may find that assigning your brain a task, like reading, could stop unhealthy
Speaker:self-talk and get you relaxed again.
Speaker:Likewise, self-talk, allowed or silent, is not a problem when directed to yourself, but
Speaker:may be a cause for concern if addressed to hallucinations or people who aren't really there.
Speaker:As we've seen in the previous section, not all self-talk is created equal.
Speaker:There are many variations, and some types are more helpful than others.
Speaker:If you've been wondering exactly what counts as self-talk, consider that all of the following
Speaker:can be considered self-talk.
Speaker:Making positive or negative statements to yourself.
Speaker:This will fail, or you got this.
Speaker:Conscious or unconscious silent inner speech that may follow a dialogue.
Speaker:You can't have left the keys at the store because you had them when you arrived home.
Speaker:But what if you left the door unlocked and just came in?
Speaker:Well, I never leave the door unlocked.
Speaker:I must have had my keys with me.
Speaker:Or self-talk, saying, you idiot, when you make a mistake, or rehearsing your shopping
Speaker:list to yourself in the car.
Speaker:Out of control and anxious rumination, such as the racing thoughts that come with depression
Speaker:or panic attacks.
Speaker:Research into the different kinds of self-talk has led to diverse findings in all kinds of
Speaker:areas, including education, sports psychology, natural development, and even personality.
Speaker:As we saw earlier, the quality of one's self-talk can have either positive or negative effects.
Speaker:But some of the more recent research has found that self-talk helps with emotional regulation,
Speaker:such as in the research conducted by Michel et al. 1996, and Carver and Shire 1998, helps
Speaker:with distancing if using you statements or your own name rather than I pronouns, as we
Speaker:saw with Cross in a previous section.
Speaker:This gives you the room to take a more neutral and compassionate perspective on yourself.
Speaker:Helps you give self-instruction and self-motivation.
Speaker:See Hatzig Yorgiatis et al. 2011.
Speaker:This is common in sports where coaches recommend verbally saying aloud, you're doing great,
Speaker:take it easy, that's it.
Speaker:Improves your sense of self-awareness, bolstering a more accurate self-evaluation and encouraging
Speaker:more mindful reflection on how your brain is working and how that in turn affects both
Speaker:your emotions and your behavior.
Speaker:See research done by White et al. 2015 and more in 2018.
Speaker:Emotions and fortifies certain cognitive processes, Langlin Hassan and Vincente 2018, including
Speaker:perspective taking and monitoring language development and speech production.
Speaker:Helps with regulating the emotions and coping with painful or difficult experiences, Orville
Speaker:et al. 2019 and Cross et al. 2014-2017, encouraging mental toughness and emotional resilience.
Speaker:If that seems like a lot of benefits, then you're beginning to understand why this area
Speaker:of research has garnered so much attention.
Speaker:Some researchers have used the STS or self-talk scale to identify four main types of self-talk.
Speaker:These include self-criticism after negative events, self-praise and reinforcement after
Speaker:positive events, self-management and the attempt to decide what to do and how, and social assessment,
Speaker:which is self-talk that refers to social interactions in the past, present, or future.
Speaker:Each of these four types likely overlaps with a mix of different effects and functions which
Speaker:heavily depend on the context, the person doing the self-talk, and its intensity and duration.
Speaker:Although different theorists, coaches, and thinkers will refer to slightly different definitions
Speaker:and models of self-talk, the key point to bear in mind is that self-talk varies greatly.
Speaker:It can be helpful or unhelpful, conscious or unconscious, cruel or compassionate, sensible
Speaker:or deranged, inspiring or completely self-sabotaging.
Speaker:Our goal with this book is to use some of these theories as a springboard to gain a
Speaker:better understanding of our own self-talk.
Speaker:This can be done with conscious awareness, calm compassion and a little curiosity.
Speaker:You might notice that you have a running narrative going on in your head whenever you speak to
Speaker:others or that you sometimes adopt a very harsh and overly critical attitude to yourself
Speaker:when you believe you failed.
Speaker:For instance, a small selection of the types of negative self-talk we might want to become
Speaker:aware of and avoid.
Speaker:Overreaction.
Speaker:Everything is terrible.
Speaker:Personalization.
Speaker:Why is this happening to me?
Speaker:It's my fault.
Speaker:Absolute language.
Speaker:I'm a bad person.
Speaker:Assumption.
Speaker:He thinks I'm not good enough.
Speaker:Expectation.
Speaker:This isn't how it's supposed to be.
Speaker:Comparison.
Speaker:Why can't I be like her?
Speaker:Regret.
Speaker:If I hadn't done that.
Speaker:Self-talk can be a one-off statement or a deeply held core belief that you return to
Speaker:again and again, not being even slightly aware of the alternatives.
Speaker:People battling depression or low self-esteem may have a relentless repeat of the same self-talk
Speaker:playing in their mind 24-7.
Speaker:Others may end up putting a lot of their self-talk down on ink and paper, or find that their
Speaker:inner critic is actually the voice of someone else they've taken on as their own.
Speaker:Whatever your self-talk is, you can consciously pause and watch it happen and decide deliberately
Speaker:whether the stories you tell truly align with the goals you want to reach in life.
Speaker:Every time you talk to yourself, you are potentially cementing limiting and harmful habits and
Speaker:keeping yourself in a place you don't want to be.
Speaker:On the other hand, according to Dr. Helmstetter, we can choose to engage in the more beneficial
Speaker:and affirming forms of self-talk.
Speaker:Habit-changing self-talk is that which deliberately seeks to break away from old habits rather
Speaker:than strengthen them.
Speaker:For example, pausing every time you think, I'm stupid, to consciously change your wording
Speaker:to, I'm learning.
Speaker:This self-talk is establishing a new habit, one of self-esteem and kindness.
Speaker:Attitude-changing self-talk aims to build up your positive self-belief and esteem.
Speaker:For example, I'm trying my best and I'm doing great.
Speaker:Motivational self-talk goes a step further and takes the form of affirmations and self-encouragement
Speaker:as we attempt something scary or new.
Speaker:Normal self-talk is about taking a different perspective on situations in life, such as
Speaker:changing frameworks to deal with adversity, accidents, or problems as they arise.
Speaker:For example, how am I going to smooth things over here?
Speaker:Or how can I look at this problem differently?
Speaker:In this chapter, we've looked at what self-talk is, the different types, and how it can help
Speaker:or harm, as well as some common theories used to understand the phenomenon.
Speaker:And you're hopefully convinced that there's nothing strange about occasionally muttering
Speaker:to yourself under your breath.
Speaker:In the following chapters, we'll further flesh out some of these concepts, so you feel able
Speaker:to not only understand your own inner talk, but gain conscious mastery over it.
Speaker:You might naturally be wondering how to start changing your negative self-talk into a more
Speaker:positive internal dialogue, but to do that, we first need to fully understand the difference.
Speaker:Have you ever noticed a voice inside your head that is constantly chattering about something
Speaker:or the other right from the moment you wake up?
Speaker:You might have grown so accustomed to it that you barely notice it anymore, but it's definitely
Speaker:there and it's either hurting or helping you.
Speaker:No perspective is truly neutral.
Speaker:This voice, a part of your stream of consciousness, is an inner monologue that runs alongside
Speaker:your life, observing and commenting on its various happenings.
Speaker:It tells you who you are and how you should feel about your identity and the events that
Speaker:occur in your life.
Speaker:There are three main types of inner voices or self-talk.
Speaker:The first is positive self-talk, which acts as a continuous reaffirmation of the good
Speaker:things about you and your life.
Speaker:This type of inner voice bolsters our confidence and elevates happiness levels, however, on
Speaker:the other end lies negative self-talk.
Speaker:This voice is always critical in saying degrading things to us about who we are, what we do,
Speaker:etc.
Speaker:If left uncontrolled, it can lead to several mental health issues.
Speaker:The third type is neutral self-talk, which simply consists of unbiased observations as
Speaker:we walk through life, although this almost always has a positive or negative subtext.
Speaker:Our inner voice, regardless of type, represents the inner representation we have of ourselves.
Speaker:Often, this is not consistent with reality.
Speaker:The way we think we are and what we actually are can be miles apart, but reality seldom
Speaker:matters if we're convinced that things are a certain way.
Speaker:This leads to why having healthy self-talk is so important.
Speaker:It influences our thoughts, perceptions, and the way we view ourselves, all of which have
Speaker:physiological correlations that affect how we feel and behave.
Speaker:The basis behind this is neuroplasticity, as the more you repeat something, the more
Speaker:it changes your brain's structure and becomes your reality.
Speaker:If you're wondering what exactly counts as self-talk, it includes positive or negative
Speaker:statements we say to ourselves, our ruminations, racing thoughts, and the conversations we have
Speaker:with ourselves.
Speaker:Monitoring this self-talk can have many positive effects that are essential to our well-being,
Speaker:such as improving sports performances, reducing stress, promoting better self-esteem, and helping
Speaker:us cope with the ups and downs of life.
Speaker:Monitoring self-talk is the key to changing your emotions, behavior, perspective, and
Speaker:life potential.
Speaker:And that's all we have for today on The Path to Calm.
Speaker:We learn that self-talk, that constant chatter in our heads, can be a powerful tool.
Speaker:By recognizing the different types of self-talk and taking control of its narrative, we can
Speaker:transform our thoughts, emotions, and ultimately our lives.
Speaker:Remember for more information on self-talk and how to transform it, check out Nick Trenton's
Speaker:book, Transform Your Self-Talk.
Speaker:You can learn more about Nick Trenton at his website at bit.ly slash Nick Trenton.
Speaker:Thanks for joining us on The Path to Calm.
Speaker:Stay tuned for more tools and techniques to quiet the mind and find inner peace.
