full
Master The Art Of Distress Tolerance And Self-Soothing
Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3v0o8uB
00:11:05.710 TIPP Skills
00:21:58.080 The ACCEPTS Skill
00:31:46.409 Follow Through
00:37:56.900 Turning Anxiety into Mindfulness
• We need distress tolerance skills to help us cope with extremely trying or painful moments, or emergency situations. When we’re distressed, it’s easy to slip back into old patterns of behavior or default to clumsy, destructive, or unconscious ways of coping—these are false coping mechanisms.
• Self-soothing is a way to acknowledge and accept pain that is inevitable—without making it any bigger than it should be. It is not distraction or avoidance, but about anchoring in the present using your five senses—a technique called grounding.
• TIPP stands for temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, and paired muscle relaxation, all of which can help lower physiological arousal. Try cold water, vigorous movement, or breathing exercises to calm the limbic system.
• Practice radical acceptance, which doesn’t mean we like what is happening, only that we have agreed to not fight with reality. Acknowledge how you feel and the reality of the situation and remind yourself of what matters.
• The ACCEPTS acronym (Activities, Contribute, Comparisons, Emotions, Push away, Thoughts, and Sensations) can help you better tolerate momentary distress—although not for the longer term.
• With anxiety, our goal is not to force ourselves not to worry, but to worry more efficiently. Scheduling worry time puts you in proactive control and helps you gain distance.
• Notice the anxiety, write down the time you’ll postpone to—with the duration and content—then follow through as agreed.
• Mental noting and focused mundane tasks can help you turn anxious moments into opportunities for mindfulness.
Transcript
Hello listeners, welcome to the Path of Calm, today is March 18, 2024. This is where we
Speaker:help you to stop overthinking, become present, and find peace.
Speaker:Life throws us curveballs, and sometimes, even when we've mastered our thought processes,
Speaker:difficult circumstances remain. Today's episode, pulled from Nick Trenton's book,
Speaker:Anti-Anxious, dives into mastering the art of distress, tolerance, and self-soothing.
Speaker:Thanks for joining us today.
Speaker:Perhaps you read about Ellen's tales of woe and thought, fair enough, but some of us have real
Speaker:problems we're dealing with. This is a good observation. Sometimes, people think negatively,
Speaker:because they're simply responding to something negative in their environment.
Speaker:Few of us will get through life without experiencing an emotional crisis, a big loss,
Speaker:and upheaval, or an accident at some point or another. It's one thing to learn to master
Speaker:your thought processes so that you're not creating unnecessary suffering for yourself,
Speaker:but it's another when you're faced with a legitimately negative circumstance that cannot
Speaker:be avoided. What then? In this chapter, we'll talk about distress, tolerance, and how to cultivate
Speaker:it. This is a set of skills that most people don't really think about until they're in a crisis
Speaker:situation and need them urgently, but many of the same principles of diffusing, perspective
Speaker:switching, reframing, and challenging your cognitive distortions can be used when we're
Speaker:facing a situation that makes us feel out of control. Call it a toolkit of crisis survival
Speaker:skills. The tools we'll describe below can be used when you're in extreme pain emotionally
Speaker:or physically. There's a formidable temptation that you have to resist. You're dealing with
Speaker:a temporary but very challenging situation that can't be avoided. It's an emergency,
Speaker:and you have to be productive and focused, even though you're completely overwhelmed.
Speaker:There's a conflict, and you need to put aside raw emotions to communicate effectively. You're
Speaker:absolutely terrified, but need to act wisely anyway.
Speaker:A crisis can put a major dent in anyone's sense of emotional mastery and control. When
Speaker:the chips are down, it's easy to slip back into old patterns of behavior or default to
Speaker:clumsy, destructive, or unconscious ways of coping. Trouble is, though these habits may
Speaker:feel momentarily soothing, they ultimately create more problems and set up negative feedback
Speaker:loops that keep amplifying themselves.
Speaker:Alex has hurt his back at his job. He's received some workers' comp, but he's basically off
Speaker:duty until he gets better. He's at home, alone, his partner works all day, the doctors
Speaker:and physiotherapists don't feel like they're helping, and there's no end in sight. His
Speaker:boss has been kind enough, but Alex knows it's only a matter of time before they need
Speaker:to let him go. His back is getting worse, not better, and Alex is unsure how they'll
Speaker:fund the enormously expensive surgery if he needs it, or what they'll do for money
Speaker:once his savings and insurance money are gone. In other words, Alex is in a crisis. He's
Speaker:in pain and can't be prescribed any more painkillers since they're addictive, but on some days
Speaker:the pain is so intense, Alex doesn't know what to do with himself. He can't move, he's
Speaker:depressed, anxious, bored, lonely, scared, and exhausted, and every day he faces excruciating
Speaker:pain that doesn't let up. What can he do?
Speaker:Alex's solution is threefold. He soothes himself with comfort-eating and junk food.
Speaker:He sits immobile on the sofa for hours-long marathon gaming sessions, and he starts abusing
Speaker:alcohol. These things don't help exactly, but they make everything a little more bearable.
Speaker:They also make everything worse. Within a few months, Alex is not only depressed,
Speaker:anxious, bored, lonely, scared, and exhausted, he's also gaining weight, usually drunk or
Speaker:hungover, and staying up until 3am every night and sleeping past noon the next day. Nobody
Speaker:would say that Alex doesn't have a legitimate reason to feel negative. Nobody could say
Speaker:that he is to blame, and most would agree that the ways dealing with the crisis is understandable
Speaker:even if not ideal. However, the irony is that Alex's methods for dealing with distress have
Speaker:become their own form of distress. Alex cannot help that he hurt his back. However, he doesn't
Speaker:have the skills needed to survive the crisis, and in a way, this is a bigger problem. The
Speaker:coping mechanisms he's chosen are false coping mechanisms because ultimately, they create
Speaker:more of the problem, exacerbate suffering, and keep him trapped where he is. The more
Speaker:he drinks, the less emotionally available he is for his partner, and the worse they communicate.
Speaker:This means that the coping mechanism of drinking robs him of an important source of potential
Speaker:support, a loving relationship. The more junk food he eats, the worse his overall health.
Speaker:This means that comfort eating is actually impeding his body ability to heal quickly.
Speaker:The extra pounds that make it even more difficult to complete the exercises the physiotherapists
Speaker:prescribed make him feel anything but comfort. The late night gaming is just as addictive,
Speaker:it's a welcome distraction, but it also makes him angry and combative, and since he's ruined
Speaker:his natural sleep cycles, his anxiety and depression get worse, not better. In a crisis,
Speaker:the challenge of staying calm, positive, rational, and accepting may seem like a herculean
Speaker:task, it may seem almost impossible. Let's be honest, it's not something you want to
Speaker:do, but the point of Alex's story is to show that living the life that false coping mechanisms
Speaker:create is actually much, much harder. We don't tolerate distress because we enjoy it and
Speaker:have to learn to grin and bear it. We tolerate distress because it is less hard work and
Speaker:less suffering than allowing ourselves to be swallowed by it.
Speaker:How to Self Soothe In life, pain is inevitable, but we have a
Speaker:choice in how we respond to it. Self soothing is a way to acknowledge and accept pain that
Speaker:is inevitable without making it any bigger than it should be. When you rail against pain
Speaker:and loss and injustice, you're actually prolonging and expanding that negativity. You're placing
Speaker:all of your focused attention on that pain and amplifying it. There's nothing wrong
Speaker:with this response. In fact, your ancient ancestors evolved this hyper focus on pain
Speaker:because it forced them to go into problem solving mode and quickly remove or escape
Speaker:from the threat in order to survive. But there are some types of pain that cannot be escaped.
Speaker:For these types of pain, struggling and resisting can only add to the portion of pain you have
Speaker:to suffer through. The person who complains that it's raining has one additional problem
Speaker:compared to the person who knows it is but chooses to just carry on with life instead
Speaker:of focusing on the fact. Self soothing is not the same as distraction or avoidance or
Speaker:having a little rant about how unfair life is. Rather, it's about being kind enough to
Speaker:yourself that you refuse to add any more to the suffering you're experiencing. Whether
Speaker:it's a suffering on the scale Alex is experiencing or something more trivial like a rainy day.
Speaker:If you genuinely cannot do anything to remove a pain and we'll look in the later chapter at an
Speaker:excellent way to figure this out for yourself, then the only rational next step is to do what
Speaker:you can do to bear it. Grounding is a great way to self soothe. When you anchor into your senses,
Speaker:you're pulling your conscious mind away from anxieties, ruminations, regrets and fears that
Speaker:are based in the past and present and asking it to rest gently in the present instead. The irony
Speaker:is that we create a lot of drama for ourselves trying to run away from a painful moment in the
Speaker:present we think is too much to handle but if we did stay with it for a while we'd see that it
Speaker:wasn't as bad as we thought it was. Your five senses are your gateway to the present. Pause,
Speaker:breathe and become aware. Take five minutes to find something to dwell on for each sense without
Speaker:judgment or any agenda at all. For Alex, when his back pain reaches distracting levels, instead
Speaker:of defaulting to addictive behaviors, he pauses, takes a deep breath and makes a conscious choice
Speaker:not to run away. He looks closely at the texture of the sofa cushion and the almost
Speaker:infinite shades of blue he can discern in the weave of the fabric. He listens to the faint
Speaker:buzz of the refrigerator in the next room that he hadn't noticed before. He smells the reassuring
Speaker:and faint aroma of laundry softener in the blanket on his lap. He touches the blanket. There are
Speaker:places where his own rough skin catches against it. He can sense the lingering taste of coffee
Speaker:still on his tongue from his morning cup. After a few minutes, Alex isn't magically not in pain
Speaker:anymore but what seemed completely overwhelming and engulfing a moment before doesn't seem so big
Speaker:anymore. He's done something different. Instead of fleeing pain, he's anchored into the present
Speaker:and ridden it out. Tip skills. Anyone can see that Alex isn't helping himself by eating garbage,
Speaker:being sedentary and wasting hours staring at screens. It's obvious that maltreating the
Speaker:physical body this way can only cause psychological, social, cognitive, emotional, and even spiritual
Speaker:damage. But we seldom appreciate the fact that this relationship goes the other way too.
Speaker:If we soothe and regulate the physical body first, we can calm down the central nervous system
Speaker:and improve our psychological state. Tip stands for temperature, intense exercise,
Speaker:paced breathing, paired muscle relaxation. These four things can calm down an aggravated
Speaker:limbic system and lower your overall arousal. Physical arousal influences and informs psychological
Speaker:arousal. Try cold water. Splashing the face with cool water actually activates what's called
Speaker:the mammalian dive response, which is an ancient adaptation that results in slower heart rate,
Speaker:slower breath rate, and an overall calmed nervous system. Have a quick cold shower.
Speaker:Rub an ice cube out of your neck or wrists, or dip your feet in a cool lake or seawater if you can.
Speaker:Cold temperatures affect your body's metabolism, limbic system, and homeostatic balance,
Speaker:with the overall effect of making you feel calmer. Get moving.
Speaker:Intense exercise, likewise, has a balancing and regulating effect on the body. A burst of
Speaker:intense physical activity releases adrenaline and creates momentary euphoria. Hard exercise is a
Speaker:healthy distraction that floods your body with oxygenated blood, and the increased heart rate
Speaker:reinvigorates every tissue and organ of the body. Do anything that gets you panting for air,
Speaker:makes you sweat, or bring some colors to your cheeks.
Speaker:Pace your breathing.
Speaker:Your breathing and your emotional state are closely connected. If you're breathing slowly,
Speaker:deeply, and rhythmically, you simply cannot be in a panicked or overwhelmed state. Just try it.
Speaker:Inhale slowly for a count of two or three. Pause, then exhale with control for a count of two or
Speaker:three. As you do so, imagine your blood pressure and heart rate dropping. Use PMR, Paired Muscle
Speaker:Relaxation. Choose a pair of muscles. For example, the tops of both thighs, or the muscles in each
Speaker:big toe, and tighten them as hard as you can as you inhale. It's difficult to be emotionally tense
Speaker:and agitated if your muscles are relaxed. Tensing muscles before relaxing leads to a deeper calm.
Speaker:Repeat a few times and then move on to another Paired Muscle till you've worked through your
Speaker:entire body. This is an excellent mind-body connector that allows you to slow down,
Speaker:go quiet, and release. It can be paired with paced breathing and is especially useful in bed at night
Speaker:to help you get to sleep. There's one huge advantage to using TIP. Your mind is not required.
Speaker:You can notice negative thoughts, temptations, upset emotions, and anxious loops. Yet you don't
Speaker:have to deal with them at all, but engage on the level of your body alone. So many of the more
Speaker:psychological self-soothing techniques don't work because they're attempted with a body that is
Speaker:aroused. If you try to have a rational argument with yourself about why you shouldn't panic, for
Speaker:example, it won't really sink in if your heart is racing, your muscles are tense, and your blood
Speaker:pressures through the roof. You need to relax first and then engage at the level of thoughts,
Speaker:feelings, and rational arguments. For Alex, his situation improves when he starts incorporating
Speaker:a specific habit into his routine. Though he can't stand for long periods, he doesn't morning work
Speaker:out where he uses his arms and adapts exercises so he can do them lying down. Once he's hot and
Speaker:sweaty, he cools off in a cold shower and finishes off with a brisk rub with a towel.
Speaker:He finds that no matter how much of a bad mood he started with, he always feels a little more
Speaker:alive and in control when he starts mornings this way. He's also learning that when the physical
Speaker:pain gets too intense, he can distract himself by grounding and using breathing exercises.
Speaker:He's also finding that paired muscle relaxation at night before bed helps stop a racing mind
Speaker:and gets him better quality sleep. These things are not miraculous, but they allow Alex to lower
Speaker:his arousal levels so that he's more receptive to other strategies like the above thought restructuring,
Speaker:reframing, and so on. The pain is still there, and the problem is still a problem,
Speaker:but his response to it is now adaptive and masterful.
Speaker:What radical acceptance really means. Most of us have an incorrect understanding of what the word
Speaker:acceptance means. We resist accepting things that feel bad because we think that it means we agree
Speaker:with them, that we want them to continue, or that we are passively condoning what we know is wrong.
Speaker:If somebody walks up to us in the street and tries to hand us their bag of trash, then of
Speaker:course we don't have to accept it. But radical acceptance is not about accepting in the ordinary
Speaker:sense of the word. For some more fundamental aspects of reality, we're not being offered the
Speaker:choice or ask, do you want this? We're not asked if we like it or agree with it. In fact, our
Speaker:agreement seems utterly irrelevant to whether we get it or not. Some parts of reality are up for
Speaker:debate, and others aren't. We can choose to live a healthy life and to be safe and avoid catching
Speaker:germs, but we cannot choose whether or not we die. We can choose how we respond to crises and
Speaker:emergencies, but not whether those events happen in the first place. For the parts of reality that
Speaker:are not up for debate, we need radical acceptance, which is basically the decision to stop fighting
Speaker:reality. When we take action against something we don't like but can change, then we have a chance
Speaker:of changing it. When we take action against something we don't like but cannot change,
Speaker:it stays exactly as it is, and we only become bitter, resentful, or exhausted.
Speaker:You can accept reality without liking it. You can accept reality without liking it and still
Speaker:live a meaningful life. You can make choices and take action on some things, even if you don't get
Speaker:to decide on others. Life can be hard, but manageable. Easier said than done, of course.
Speaker:Let's imagine that Alex is making strides, but after a few months, the doctors tell him
Speaker:they will need to operate. They also tell him that the procedure carries a roughly 15% chance of
Speaker:resulting in total paralysis from the waist down. Ouch! This fact is like a brick wall
Speaker:he smashes into. Alex researches, gets second opinions, and gathers what data he can.
Speaker:But in the end, he still faces an immovable fact. He needs an operation that has a moderate risk of
Speaker:permanently paralyzing him. If he doesn't operate, his life will become unbearable,
Speaker:and he may damage his spinal column even further. Alex thinks this shouldn't be happening.
Speaker:I can't deal with this. This is not fair. I can't face it.
Speaker:How can Alex accept this horrible choice he has? How could he, heaven forbid, possibly accept
Speaker:being paralyzed? Should that be the outcome? You may not be facing a reality quite so stark as
Speaker:Alex's, but the process he uses to find acceptance is exactly the same one you can use
Speaker:when you find yourself arguing with reality. Step one, acknowledge that you are in fact
Speaker:fighting against reality. Really take a moment to let it sink in that you are pushing against
Speaker:an object that cannot move. Did you notice the word should in Alex's thought?
Speaker:Notice your struggle. Notice what it feels like in your body, tension, queasiness, etc.
Speaker:Step two, tell yourself that it cannot be changed. This is harder than it seems. Just like
Speaker:complaining is focusing on a problem without the active effort to change it, wrestling with
Speaker:reality is a negative reaction that does precisely zero to change the facts.
Speaker:Step three, be honest about the reality you face. If you must accept it, know what you're
Speaker:accepting. The truth is always easier to bear when you can see all sides of it. Look at cause and
Speaker:effect. Become curious about the details. Step four, imagine how you would behave if you did
Speaker:accept these facts. What steps would you take or not take? How would you cope? What would you choose?
Speaker:Step five, embrace and honor how you feel. Just because you are accepting your reality,
Speaker:it doesn't mean that you suddenly don't feel how you feel. Completely acknowledge any feelings of
Speaker:anger, regret, sadness, or disappointment. Step six, remind yourself of what matters.
Speaker:Life is still worth living, even though you're in pain at this moment. Remember the things you value,
Speaker:the principles that guide you, and the dreams you're hoping to achieve.
Speaker:It may be that you have to postpone or resize these dreams. That's okay.
Speaker:Renegotiate your future and start to be curious about the meaning you can make from your experience.
Speaker:Step six, the accepts skill. This acronym stands for A, activities, C, contribute,
Speaker:C, comparisons, E, emotions, i.e., trying on emotions the opposite to the ones you have.
Speaker:P, push away or shelve the problem. T, thoughts, i.e., keeping your mind busy on other tasks
Speaker:and not on crisis related thoughts and feelings. S, sensations, i.e., grounding in the five senses,
Speaker:as described above. Or Alex, this might look like A, stays busy with exercises, hobbies,
Speaker:DIY at home, cooking, and pushing himself to do walks when he can.
Speaker:C, volunteering with the mental health crisis helpline, which he can do from home and which
Speaker:brings him some satisfaction that he can help others. C, helpful comparisons. He realizes that
Speaker:as bad as his injury is, it could have been worse and that he was, in many ways,
Speaker:lucky to have received the support he did. E, when he feels absolute despair, he tries
Speaker:to laugh at himself and have a sense of humor about the situation. P, overwhelmed at the decision he
Speaker:has to make, operate or don't operate, he chooses to just rest and process for a while, shelving
Speaker:the decision until he's calmer. T, keeps his mind busy writing shopping lists, making detailed
Speaker:budgets, solving riddles, or planning for a DIY project in detail. S, does a grounding exercise
Speaker:every time he can feel his thoughts spiraling into negativity again.
Speaker:As you can see, even in a situation that feels totally hopeless, you always have a choice,
Speaker:and there's a lot you can do, even when it feels like there isn't. At the same time,
Speaker:distress tolerance is a set of skills to help you survive and cope. It's not a long-term strategy
Speaker:for living your best life. It's there as a crutch to help you deal with distress without
Speaker:making things worse, but it's not enough on its own. Sooner or later, Alex has to decide
Speaker:whether to get the operation or not. If you're ever overcome with negative feelings, know that you
Speaker:always have the tools to calm yourself down physically, self-soothe, accept what's happening,
Speaker:and find ways to cope with the most intense emotions as you ride them out.
Speaker:These tools won't solve the problem, but they will help you make it through the worst of it in
Speaker:one piece until you're ready to look at solutions when you're feeling stronger and clearer.
Speaker:Brain dumping, mental noting, and scheduled worry time.
Speaker:Chris had trouble navigating annoying and irritating life obstacles.
Speaker:Carrie had to challenge the distorted mental filters she was using to look at herself.
Speaker:Dan battled to reframe the story of guilt and shame he was living inside.
Speaker:Ellen struggled to keep outside of her depression and low mood, and Alex had to learn to cope with
Speaker:the very real limitations of physical pain. Each of these people had to deal with very different
Speaker:problems, but ultimately, each of them worked through their own version of negative thinking
Speaker:and how to find a way out of it. There's one manifestation of negativity that we haven't
Speaker:yet considered though, and that's anxiety. This chapter is for you if you find your
Speaker:negativity taking the shape of worry, rumination, overthinking, and stress.
Speaker:In the spirit of radical acceptance and not fighting against our mind or against reality,
Speaker:we'll begin with the basic CBT principle when dealing with anxiety.
Speaker:We're not attempting to force ourselves not to worry.
Speaker:It's just like being told, don't think of a pink elephant.
Speaker:Merely saying it makes you think of a pink elephant. So, first things first,
Speaker:getting anxious about your anxiety and worrying about your worry is not going to get you anywhere.
Speaker:Instead, tap into the capital letter U and remind yourself that you have a choice.
Speaker:In the technique of worry postponement, we essentially tell ourselves, okay mind,
Speaker:you have full permission to worry. I'm not stopping you. All I'm going to do is decide
Speaker:when you get to do it and for how long. In fact, tell yourself that your intention
Speaker:is to worry more efficiently. So, for example, you decide that instead of worrying right this
Speaker:instant, you're going to deliberately worry later tonight at 6 p.m. for 20 minutes.
Speaker:Scheduling your negativity and worry may seem like an odd thing to do, but it works.
Speaker:This is because, one, you're learning to be aware that you are in fact worrying. Again,
Speaker:it's about gaining distance. It's not money's tight, but I'm having a stressful thought about
Speaker:money right now. Two, you avoid getting tangled up in that worry, but also avoid going to war with
Speaker:it, resisting it, or denying it. Three, you take control. Just because a thought pops up and says,
Speaker:look at me. It doesn't mean you have to obey. You gain a deeper sense of how worry actually plays
Speaker:out in your life, how it comes and goes, rises and falls, and in time, how utterly useless it usually
Speaker:is. Five, you put yourself in a proactive state of mind where you stop worrying and start strategizing.
Speaker:Anxiety is exactly the kind of mental activity that, if not engaged with, will eventually dissipate.
Speaker:You can probably think of a few things you were really worried about a day or a week or 10 years
Speaker:ago, and which barely even register with you now. Why? Simply because some time has passed.
Speaker:When you schedule your worry to take place some other time, you may notice how often you actually
Speaker:forget about it when the allotted worry time rolls around. Or when the time comes and you have free
Speaker:reign to worry to your heart's content, you realize that the issue just doesn't seem that important
Speaker:anymore. Sometimes when you arrive at your future worry appointment, you discover that you don't
Speaker:even want to worry anymore, that you're feeling way more calm and able to deal with any negativity
Speaker:that remains or that the negativity has already resolved by itself. Here's how worry postponement
Speaker:might look in practice. Be mindful. You're noticing a recurrent theme here, right? It all
Speaker:starts with simply being aware that you are having anxious thoughts and worries in the first place.
Speaker:Just perceive and observe, don't judge. Try not to be too hard on yourself. If you notice
Speaker:a worry spiral that seems to be getting out of hand, try to practice a little radical acceptance.
Speaker:I'm feeling extremely worried and anxious at the moment. I'm feeling so on edge, my stomach's in
Speaker:knots. I keep having the thought, what if, and am having trouble stopping it? Post bone.
Speaker:Even if you have to do it out loud, give yourself permission to worry. Only the worry has to be
Speaker:deferred to a time of your choosing. Make sure that the time you choose is at least a couple of hours
Speaker:away to give your mental state time to change, but not so far off that you unconsciously feel
Speaker:like it won't really happen. Write down the day, date, and time, the duration for the worry,
Speaker:what you'll worry about. For example, let's say you're worrying about an upcoming performance
Speaker:review at work. You notice you're anxious overthinking. Maybe it'll be really embarrassing.
Speaker:What am I going to do if they keep talking about the incident in March? It may be that
Speaker:they've already discussed it amongst themselves already. Maybe everyone has discussed it and
Speaker:they're getting ready to fire me this very moment. What if I cry or get angry during the meeting?
Speaker:What if I say something I regret? You stop and become mindful and realize
Speaker:that your anxious thoughts are getting carried away. You say out loud, that's okay,
Speaker:but we're not worrying right now. In a notebook, you scribble down 11am, Tuesday, 10 minutes worry
Speaker:time, concerns about upcoming performance review. Then you close the notebook. You've
Speaker:made an agreement with yourself and so you don't have to keep worrying.
Speaker:Follow through.
Speaker:Naturally, your mind will soon start up again with worries. Do you think you should maybe prepare a
Speaker:few clever rebuttals for if they want to talk about what happened in March? Just in case?
Speaker:You notice this and you don't argue with it. You also don't act or respond in any way.
Speaker:No mind. We aren't doing this now. We're worrying tomorrow at 11am. Remember?
Speaker:Actively remind yourself that the big important issue your brain is trying to draw your attention
Speaker:to will certainly get the attention it deserves in due course. Tell yourself that you're allowed
Speaker:to focus on the present moment's tasks because the worry is actually taken care of for now.
Speaker:All the time from now until 11am tomorrow is now free. When the thought pops up,
Speaker:confidently tell it, oh, don't worry. I've already dealt with you.
Speaker:What about when 11am comes around? Well, do as you said you would and sit down and worry for
Speaker:10 minutes, but really worry. Don't let your mind wander to other worries, just the one you said
Speaker:you'd tackle. You may as well really go for it because once the 10 minutes are up, you're not
Speaker:going to think about it anymore. Notice what happens when you do this. You might, one, no longer
Speaker:care about this problem. Two, feel better able to cope with it or manage it. Three, realize an
Speaker:action you can take to fix it. Four, still be at square one with no solution in sight.
Speaker:Almost always, the outcome will be one, two, or three. Occasionally, though, you will chew over
Speaker:something and it will still be bothering you. Try your best to ask if there's one small thing you
Speaker:can do there and then to improve the situation, then schedule that in and promptly forget about it.
Speaker:If you catch yourself worrying further, then repeat the process. Postpone that worry till
Speaker:another time. At the very least, you're limiting your exposure to a difficult situation that you
Speaker:cannot do anything about. You might start to notice that you keep worrying about something that either
Speaker:A never comes or B does come and isn't as bad as you thought it would be or even C it does come.
Speaker:It is that bad and it doesn't matter because you were able to cope with it.
Speaker:One variation of this practice is to externalize worries while you're postponing them. So whatever
Speaker:pops into your mind, imagine that you're redirecting it to the page and writing it down there.
Speaker:The rule is, once it's written down in the worry book, it does not need to be in your head anymore.
Speaker:The worry book is like a repository. All through the day, collect little nagging fears and concerns
Speaker:as they crop up and put them aside to mull over later on your own terms. After a while of doing this,
Speaker:ask yourself a few questions. Are there any recurrent themes? How often does the thing you
Speaker:actually fear come to pass? Is there any difference in outcome when you do worry versus when you don't?
Speaker:A final variation is called brain dumping and it's exactly what it sounds like.
Speaker:When it's your scheduled time to worry, go all out and put everything down on the page.
Speaker:You can rant, you can rave, you can say what you like and let it all out.
Speaker:For five whole minutes, try not to go too much longer than this. You have no limits
Speaker:and can experience the full cathartic power of worrying as hard as you can worry.
Speaker:Imagine that your brain is like a room in a house that's just become too cluttered with junk.
Speaker:When you do a brain dump, you're basically throwing all this clutter out.
Speaker:The power lies in acknowledging the thoughts and putting them outside of yourself.
Speaker:A big reason we worry is because our brain thinks it's being useful.
Speaker:It wants to keep drawing our attention to something that may be threatening or a problem in the future.
Speaker:But if you put it down on paper, this sends a strong message to your unconscious mind.
Speaker:I've noted this. It's being dealt with. I won't forget. You can stop reminding me now.
Speaker:What should you include in your brain dump? Whatever you need to.
Speaker:Scribble down stream of consciousness ideas, thoughts, feelings, and fears.
Speaker:Put down things you're worried about forgetting on your to-do list.
Speaker:Regrets, concerns, complaints, anything you like.
Speaker:What you do with your brain dump from there is up to you.
Speaker:The wonderful thing is that once it's out on paper, you can do something about it.
Speaker:Here are a few options. Burn, crumple, or throw away the paper if what you've expressed is just
Speaker:useless or destructive material. Breathe a sigh of relief.
Speaker:Process what you've written. Pick one thing that's bugging you and consciously decide to take a step
Speaker:to address it. Just one thing, though. You can't tackle it all.
Speaker:Go through the material, identify negative and self-defeating beliefs,
Speaker:and gently rewrite them. Turn them into affirmations that you begin the following day with.
Speaker:The ABC method described above can be a great technique to incorporate here.
Speaker:If it makes sense to you, pray about or meditate on some of the things that are weighing on your
Speaker:heart, but you're stuck with. Ask a higher power to help you carry the burden,
Speaker:or do a visualization exercise where you release yourself from having to worry about it anymore.
Speaker:Turning anxiety into mindfulness. People who struggle with anxiety are actually
Speaker:blessed with a secret superpower. If they harness it, they're able to tap into an
Speaker:enormous potential for heightened conscious awareness.
Speaker:Every intrusion and anxious thought can be like a meditation bell calling you to awareness
Speaker:and bringing you back into the moment. How? Try mental noting. It's easy.
Speaker:One, become aware and observe yourself having thoughts. No judgment.
Speaker:Two, note the experience and label it. I'm thinking. Three, keep going.
Speaker:Repeat until the thought dissipates or you move on.
Speaker:Every time you have a thought, any thought at all, you can stop and remember to become aware of
Speaker:yourself. In some Buddhist temples and monasteries, a meditation bell rings periodically so that
Speaker:wherever people are and whatever they are doing at that moment, they can stop and reconnect to
Speaker:the present again. You can do the same with your own thoughts and self-talk. Every time
Speaker:you hear an anxious thought, treat it as a bell that has rung to remind you to come back to the
Speaker:present. Of course, you won't be able to maintain awareness 100% of the time, but if you can grab
Speaker:hold of an anxious thought and note it for what it is, then you can transform any thought
Speaker:into an opportunity to be mindful. This technique is inspired by many different
Speaker:meditation techniques and is designed to quell distractions and calm down what the Buddhists
Speaker:call monkey mind, that inner chat that thoughtlessly leaps from one thing to another.
Speaker:Mental noting might not seem like much, but if you pepper your day with little moments of
Speaker:metacognition in this way, be prepared for big, big changes in the long run. Practice this often
Speaker:enough and you'll find it much more difficult to become fused with negative thoughts. You simply
Speaker:maintain too much distance to ever get too tangled up. Just remember three key elements when you
Speaker:practice mental noting. Your intention should be to maintain awareness of the present moment.
Speaker:Your attention should be on everything that's happening in the present only.
Speaker:Your attitude should be non-directional, non-judgmental, and kind.
Speaker:The classic approach during meditation is to say, for example,
Speaker:there is hearing or hearing has happened when you notice a dog barking outside.
Speaker:You might be really zen and simply note hearing. You don't allow yourself to run off and follow
Speaker:the hearing so that you're soon thinking, that's the neighbor's dog or I wish it would shut up.
Speaker:You simply note and label what your brain is doing, then move on. In the case of anxiety,
Speaker:you do something similar to stop yourself from getting distracted by thoughts that seem urgent
Speaker:and important, but really aren't. So, if you're sitting at your desk trying to work and you notice
Speaker:a thought pop into your mind, then performance review is going to be so awkward. You stop in
Speaker:your tracks, note the thought, label it, and move on without engaging. Ruminating, you say, and pass
Speaker:it by. Another way to bring in the principles of mindfulness to a brain that's hooked on anxiety
Speaker:is called mundane task focusing. If you're one of the many people who dislike meditation or simply
Speaker:don't find room in their lives to practice it, don't worry. The Buddhists and meditators do not
Speaker:have the monopoly on mindfulness. All that's required to calm an anxious mind is to remain in
Speaker:the moment. Anxieties and worries live elsewhere, there in the past or the future. If you anchor
Speaker:right here and right now, though, your world slows down and becomes calmer and way more manageable.
Speaker:One, pick a mundane and everyday task that doesn't require too much brain power,
Speaker:for example, washing dishes. Two, do the task, but do it very intentionally.
Speaker:Pay ultra close attention to what you're doing. Focus on the bubbles of the soap,
Speaker:the temperature of the water, the rhythmic movement of your hands, and the weight of
Speaker:each dish as you hold it. As you can see, this is a form of grounding. Three, when your mind
Speaker:wanders, pull it back to the task at hand. Commit every last ounce of your attention
Speaker:to the task unfolding before you, nothing more. You can find immense relief from overthinking
Speaker:and worry by doing completely ordinary everyday tasks like walking to the post office or filling
Speaker:the car with fuel. Summary. We need distressed tolerance skills to help us cope with extremely
Speaker:trying or painful moments or emergency situations. When we're distressed, it's easy to slip back into
Speaker:old patterns of behavior or default to clumsy, destructive, or unconscious ways of coping.
Speaker:These are false coping mechanisms. Self soothing is a way to acknowledge and accept pain that is
Speaker:inevitable without making it any bigger than it should be. It is not distraction or avoidance,
Speaker:but about anchoring in the present using your five senses, a technique called grounding.
Speaker:Tip stands for temperature, intense exercise, paste breathing, and paired muscle relaxation,
Speaker:all of which can help lower physiological arousal, try cold water, vigorous movement,
Speaker:or breathing exercises to calm the limbic system. Practice radical acceptance,
Speaker:which doesn't mean we like what is happening, only that we have agreed to not fight with reality.
Speaker:Acknowledge how you feel and the reality of the situation and remind yourself of what matters.
Speaker:The accepts acronym, activities, contribute, comparisons, emotions, push away, thoughts,
Speaker:and sensations can help you better tolerate momentary distress, although not for the longer term.
Speaker:With anxiety, our goal is not to force ourselves not to worry, but to worry more efficiently.
Speaker:Scheduling worry time puts you in proactive control and helps you gain distance.
Speaker:Notice the anxiety, write down the time you'll postpone to with the duration and content,
Speaker:then follow through as agreed.
Speaker:Mental noting and focused mundane tasks can help you turn anxious moments into opportunities for
Speaker:mindfulness. And that's a wrap on mastering distress tolerance. Remember, even the most
Speaker:mindful among us face tough times. By equipping yourself with the information from this book
Speaker:and others, you can navigate challenges with greater resilience. For a refresher on today's
Speaker:techniques or to dive deeper into mindfulness practices, head over to Nick Trenton's website
Speaker:at bit.ly slash Nick Trenton. Thanks for joining us on the path to calm. Until next time,
Speaker:take care and be kind to yourself.
