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How To Stop Overthinking: A Step-By-Step Guide
00:00:00 How to Stop Overthinking
00:01:24 1. LABEL YOUR EMOTIONS.
00:10:08 2. BUILD SELF-AWARENESS.
00:20:14 3. QUESTION YOURSELF USING SOCRATIC METHOD.
00:28:46 4. TEST YOUR FALSE BELIEFS.
00:42:16 5. MAKE A MIND MAP.
00:52:20 6. PLAY MIND GAMES.
00:59:23 7. USE THE A. B. C. MODEL TO UNDERSTAND YOUR STRESS.
How to Stop Overthinking: The Art of Creating Problems That Don't Exist
By Nick Trenton
Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/4fJfbYU
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DJCQHMTVVideo Description:
In today's video, we're going to talk about how to stop overthinking and
start living a more peaceful and fulfilling life. I'll be covering some
of the key concepts from the book "How to Stop Overthinking: The Art of
Creating Problems That Don't Exist" by Nick Trenton.
Transcript
How to Stop Overthinking:
Speaker:The Art of Creating Problems That Don't Exist
Speaker:By Nick Trenton
Speaker:Narrated by Russell Newton.
Speaker:What does stress look like in your
Speaker:life?
Speaker:More importantly,
Speaker:what effects does it have on you?
Speaker:Most of us use this word “stress”
Speaker:to describe a range of experiences of
Speaker:different kinds and intensities,
Speaker:but one thing is clear - stress almost
Speaker:always costs us something.
Speaker:Whether that cost is big or small,
Speaker:obvious or not-so-obvious,
Speaker:the fact is that stress takes a
Speaker:physical,
Speaker:mental,
Speaker:and emotional toll on us.
Speaker:Whether stress is just an occasional
Speaker:occurrence for you or you’re battling
Speaker:a more entrenched anxiety disorder,
Speaker:there are thankfully countless
Speaker:scientifically proven methods for
Speaker:cultivating a calmer,
Speaker:happier,
Speaker:and more balanced life.
Speaker:We’ll start this chapter with a few
Speaker:key strategies that will help you
Speaker:understand your anxiety so you can
Speaker:consciously take control.
Speaker:The first step is always to become
Speaker:aware of where we stand.
Speaker:This means taking a clear,
Speaker:honest look at what anxiety and stress
Speaker:looks like for us,
Speaker:and how it functions in our life.
Speaker:Only then can we start to challenge our
Speaker:beliefs,
Speaker:put labels on our experiences,
Speaker:and start to pick apart the stress
Speaker:response as it plays out in our
Speaker:day-to-day lives.
Speaker:Let’s dive in.
Speaker:1.
Speaker:LABEL YOUR EMOTIONS. .
Speaker:When you’re stuck in an anxiety
Speaker:spiral,
Speaker:it can be hard to even put a finger on
Speaker:what’s happening to you.
Speaker:All you know is one thing - it feels
Speaker:bad!
Speaker:Your thoughts are racing all over the
Speaker:place,
Speaker:and you may even feel physically ill.
Speaker:It’s like overthinking,
Speaker:worry,
Speaker:and anxiety are an overwhelming flood
Speaker:that completely washes over you,
Speaker:and you can’t escape or defend
Speaker:yourself.
Speaker:Think about the last time you felt
Speaker:completely swamped with anxiety and
Speaker:overthinking—what did it feel like?
Speaker:If you find it difficult to find the
Speaker:right words to describe the intense
Speaker:feelings,
Speaker:then this following tip will help you.
Speaker:Dan Siegel is a professor at the U. C.
Speaker:L. A. School of Medicine,
Speaker:and teaches people how to “name it
Speaker:and tame it."
Speaker:According to Siegel,
Speaker:when we label our strong emotions,
Speaker:we create distance between us and them.
Speaker:Giving how we feel a name is one way we
Speaker:can almost step outside of that flood
Speaker:of anxiety,
Speaker:rather than being swallowed up by it!
Speaker:It’s a question of controlling your
Speaker:feelings or allowing yourself to be
Speaker:controlled by them.
Speaker:Or a handy way to think of it is - if
Speaker:you can see an emotion,
Speaker:you don’t have to be an emotion.
Speaker:Psychological distance is the feeling
Speaker:of perspective we gain over our
Speaker:ourselves.
Speaker:The thing is,
Speaker:when we’re caught in an overthinking
Speaker:loop or anxious rumination,
Speaker:we lack awareness.
Speaker:We may feel a rush of strong negative
Speaker:emotions,
Speaker:but we lack perspective or the ability
Speaker:to say,
Speaker:“I’m experiencing some anxiety
Speaker:right now."
Speaker:Much of our fear comes from our inbuilt
Speaker:fight-or-flight response instilled in
Speaker:us by evolution.
Speaker:Based in the amygdala of the brain,
Speaker:this reaction is completely
Speaker:unconscious,
Speaker:automatic,
Speaker:and physiological.
Speaker:To step out of this instinctual,
Speaker:knee-jerk response,
Speaker:we need to pause long enough to realize
Speaker:that we are actually having that
Speaker:response in the first place,
Speaker:and this realization brings us into our
Speaker:“higher brain,” the prefrontal
Speaker:cortex.
Speaker:Clinical psychologist Dr. Mitch Abblett
Speaker:explains how strong emotions like
Speaker:anxiety can be like a hand held right
Speaker:in front of our faces.
Speaker:We are so fixated on that hand that we
Speaker:cannot see anything else in front of us.
Speaker:You can completely lose sight of the
Speaker:fact that the hand is temporary and can
Speaker:be moved.
Speaker:You can lose sight of the fact that
Speaker:there is something beyond the hand.
Speaker:Most interesting of all,
Speaker:you may completely lose sight of the
Speaker:fact that the hand is your own,
Speaker:and can be moved away at will – if
Speaker:only you have the presence of mind to
Speaker:do so.
Speaker:Simply acknowledging what is going on
Speaker:by giving a label to your emotions,
Speaker:however,
Speaker:reminds you that this hand in front of
Speaker:your face wasn’t always there,
Speaker:and that it won’t be there forever.
Speaker:When you do this,
Speaker:something special happens - you create
Speaker:a little gap in which you get to choose
Speaker:what you do next.
Speaker:It is as though there is a small moment
Speaker:of relief created when you can say out
Speaker:loud,
Speaker:“I feel like I’m drowning."
Speaker:The mere fact of you being able to
Speaker:observe and notice this feeling at all
Speaker:seems to suggest that there is a part
Speaker:of you that is not,
Speaker:in fact,
Speaker:drowning.
Speaker:Suddenly,
Speaker:there is the possibility of another
Speaker:point of view;
Speaker:of someone standing outside that
Speaker:experience and observing the drowning
Speaker:from a distance.
Speaker:The immediate result is often relief.
Speaker:So what’s going on here?
Speaker:Matthew Lieberman and colleagues
Speaker:published a paper in Psychological
Speaker:Science back in 2007,
Speaker:where they found that “affect
Speaker:labeling” (i.e.,
Speaker:putting feelings into words)
Speaker:actually alters the brain.
Speaker:When Liberman’s test subjects
Speaker:underwent fMRI scans while experiencing
Speaker:strong emotions,
Speaker:simply labeling these emotions
Speaker:decreased activity in all the regions
Speaker:of the brain associated with emotional
Speaker:regulation,
Speaker:particularly the amygdala.
Speaker:This is the little gap.
Speaker:Once the strong emotional response is
Speaker:dampened,
Speaker:then we can go in and allow our
Speaker:rational brains to step in and solve
Speaker:problems for us.
Speaker:This is the lesson that mindfulness
Speaker:practitioners have been teaching for
Speaker:years.
Speaker:When we label an emotion,
Speaker:it is no longer something we are,
Speaker:but something we are aware of.
Speaker:And so we disengage.
Speaker:And when that strong anxiety is not so
Speaker:firmly attached to us,
Speaker:we can make decisions from a calmer,
Speaker:more deliberate place psychologically.
Speaker:How do we name emotions as we’re
Speaker:experiencing them?
Speaker:It can be difficult in the heat of the
Speaker:moment,
Speaker:but that’s exactly when we need to
Speaker:learn to do it!
Speaker:Here’s a step-by-step guide -
Speaker:•First,
Speaker:simply become aware of what your body
Speaker:is doing.
Speaker:Your body is in the moment and will be
Speaker:the first to alert you to strong
Speaker:emotions.
Speaker:Let’s say you’ve just gotten off
Speaker:the phone with your father,
Speaker:and a few minutes later,
Speaker:you become aware of an awful,
Speaker:antsy feeling around your shoulders and
Speaker:chest and a horrible,
Speaker:tight lump in the back of your throat.
Speaker:•When you notice this physical
Speaker:response,
Speaker:stop.
Speaker:Just pause and bring awareness to it.
Speaker:Let’s say you excuse yourself and go
Speaker:and sit quietly in your room for a
Speaker:moment.
Speaker:•Next,
Speaker:breathe a little more slowly and focus
Speaker:on the physical sensation while you try
Speaker:to identify what you’re feeling.
Speaker:You are only looking for a label—not
Speaker:an accusation,
Speaker:diagnosis,
Speaker:or judgment.
Speaker:Maybe after a few breaths,
Speaker:you say to yourself out loud,
Speaker:“I am feeling anxiety ...I’m having
Speaker:worried and panicky thoughts ...”
Speaker:•At this point,
Speaker:you can literally imagine the word
Speaker:“anxiety” as separate from you.
Speaker:Visualize the word “anxiety” in
Speaker:letters that you hold in your hands or
Speaker:which you can pin to your clothing.
Speaker:•Keep breathing and notice how you
Speaker:feel after you give your experience a
Speaker:name.
Speaker:Here,
Speaker:you might be wondering if you need to
Speaker:get away from the anxiety,
Speaker:or somehow visualize yourself
Speaker:destroying it.
Speaker:But you don’t!
Speaker:Simple awareness is enough to create
Speaker:distance.
Speaker:You don’t have to fight with what you
Speaker:feel,
Speaker:or analyze it,
Speaker:or rush to find a solution.
Speaker:You just need to be aware and feel what
Speaker:you feel.
Speaker:Before any meaningful action can take
Speaker:place,
Speaker:you need to be able to see what
Speaker:you’re feeling.
Speaker:So just focus on that for a moment.
Speaker:Try not to say,
Speaker:“I am stressed."
Speaker:You are not stressed,
Speaker:you’re just you,
Speaker:and you’re experiencing stress.
Speaker:There is stress.
Speaker:Stress is occurring.
Speaker:As you breathe in and out,
Speaker:try simply saying “stress."
Speaker:Once you can identify the phenomenon
Speaker:unfolding,
Speaker:you can see that it is not especially
Speaker:attached to you ...if you don’t want
Speaker:it to be.
Speaker:It is just something that is happening.
Speaker:Sometimes with anxiety we can get
Speaker:caught in a trap,
Speaker:feeling anxious about how anxious we
Speaker:feel.
Speaker:So,
Speaker:for this exercise,
Speaker:don’t fight anything.
Speaker:Our awareness is not a “solution”
Speaker:to anything;
Speaker:it’s simply an emergency stop on a
Speaker:runaway thought process.
Speaker:It allows us to gently remove the hand
Speaker:from in front of our face.
Speaker:2.
Speaker:BUILD SELF-AWARENESS. .
Speaker:To be able to label our emotions and to
Speaker:question our beliefs and thoughts,
Speaker:there is one thing we cannot do without
Speaker:- self-awareness.
Speaker:Anxious rumination can feel like
Speaker:we’re thinking,
Speaker:like we’re being aware,
Speaker:but it’s usually an illusion.
Speaker:We’re not really solving any
Speaker:problems,
Speaker:clarifying the situation,
Speaker:or getting anywhere—we’re just
Speaker:going round in circles and making
Speaker:ourselves feel bad.
Speaker:To give you an example,
Speaker:think about someone who suffers from
Speaker:the all-too-common “health anxiety."
Speaker:Such a person may spend many unhappy
Speaker:hours Googling vague symptoms and
Speaker:investigating scary-sounding illnesses
Speaker:that they’re certain they have.
Speaker:They battle constantly with the thought
Speaker:that they are very,
Speaker:very ill and maybe even about to die.
Speaker:If you ask this person what the problem
Speaker:is,
Speaker:they will say,
Speaker:“I have a complicated case of
Speaker:Ribose-5-Phosphate Isomerase
Speaker:Deficiency,
Speaker:and this cramp in my arm is actually an
Speaker:ongoing seizure,
Speaker:I’m convinced of it.
Speaker:But I can’t get any of the doctors to
Speaker:take me seriously…” You can see,
Speaker:however,
Speaker:that this is not the real problem.
Speaker:With more self-awareness,
Speaker:the person could instead say,
Speaker:“When I’m tired or run-down,
Speaker:I tend to get hyper-focused on bodily
Speaker:sensations and then get carried away
Speaker:with researching symptoms and
Speaker:self-diagnosing.
Speaker:I know that it’s health anxiety,
Speaker:though,
Speaker:and that I’m not really sick."
Speaker:Self-awareness is like an escape hatch
Speaker:out of an anxiety spiral,
Speaker:and it’s not the same thing as just
Speaker:being more anxious!
Speaker:A moment of self-awareness in the midst
Speaker:of an anxiety spiral can be a life
Speaker:raft,
Speaker:but it also pays to cultivate an
Speaker:overall greater sense of self-awareness
Speaker:in everyday life.
Speaker:It’s almost as though you’re
Speaker:inoculating yourself against runaway
Speaker:thoughts in the future.
Speaker:Self-awareness is not just a skill,
Speaker:but a stable,
Speaker:long-term trait.
Speaker:It is about knowing and understanding
Speaker:yourself,
Speaker:including your strengths,
Speaker:weaknesses,
Speaker:triggers,
Speaker:and joys.
Speaker:Greater self-awareness is not some
Speaker:abstract quality.
Speaker:It results in real self-esteem,
Speaker:greater calm,
Speaker:and a more internal focus of control
Speaker:(i.e.,
Speaker:the feeling that you are in charge and
Speaker:not merely reacting to outside forces).
Speaker:Here are three practical tips to try in
Speaker:order to deepen your self-awareness.
Speaker:Tip 1 - Keep a thought diary.
Speaker:This an easy,
Speaker:accessible way to constantly
Speaker:monitor/tune into your feelings and
Speaker:plans.
Speaker:Eventually,
Speaker:you internalize the ability to notice
Speaker:what you’re feeling without pausing
Speaker:to put pen to paper.
Speaker:When you write your thoughts down,
Speaker:you practice labeling and the distance
Speaker:it brings.
Speaker:You also see your own self-talk more
Speaker:clearly;
Speaker:what effect does it have on you to
Speaker:think these thoughts?
Speaker:When you’re flustered,
Speaker:sit down and pour everything onto the
Speaker:page.
Speaker:But rather than ruminating,
Speaker:use the journal to go on a fact-finding
Speaker:mission.
Speaker:How are you feeling?
Speaker:What came before these feelings?
Speaker:What are you thinking?
Speaker:What is in your control here and what
Speaker:isn’t?
Speaker:How accurate are your appraisals?
Speaker:What resources do you have right now?
Speaker:What are you trying to achieve and is
Speaker:your approach working?
Speaker:What action can you take?
Speaker:You’ll know a journaling session has
Speaker:been successful when you close the
Speaker:pages and feel like you’ve reached an
Speaker:end and gained some insight into where
Speaker:to go next.
Speaker:One tip - focus on the what rather than
Speaker:the why.
Speaker:Tip 2 - Engage in mindfulness practices.
Speaker:You don’t need to have a full-blown
Speaker:yoga practice or a daily meditation
Speaker:session to benefit from mindfulness.
Speaker:Remember,
Speaker:the key is to gain awareness—and even
Speaker:a moment of awareness can bring
Speaker:distance,
Speaker:control,
Speaker:and a sense of relief from overthinking.
Speaker:Practice strengthening the body-mind
Speaker:connection by doing some deep breathing
Speaker:and stretching exercises,
Speaker:or spend some time in quiet
Speaker:contemplation.
Speaker:The only goal is to stay present in
Speaker:your body,
Speaker:in your breath,
Speaker:and in the moment.
Speaker:You are not trying to accomplish
Speaker:anything,
Speaker:play “gotcha!” with your thoughts,
Speaker:or judge how mindful you’re being.
Speaker:Try to aim for a few seconds of still,
Speaker:calm awareness peppered all throughout
Speaker:the day whenever you can remember.
Speaker:Tip 3 - Take a personal inventory.
Speaker:When trapped in anxious overthinking,
Speaker:your mind can convince you that
Speaker:everything is awful and that you’re
Speaker:completely hopeless.
Speaker:But the truth is that you have many
Speaker:strengths,
Speaker:skills,
Speaker:and resources at your disposal.
Speaker:You always have options.
Speaker:Beyond that,
Speaker:you can strengthen your self-esteem by
Speaker:frankly acknowledging your limitations
Speaker:and weaknesses.
Speaker:When you’re aware of your flaws,
Speaker:you can own them.
Speaker:There are many ways to learn more about
Speaker:yourself and what makes you tick—good
Speaker:and bad.
Speaker:An easy example is to simply
Speaker:acknowledge the fact that you have a
Speaker:tendency to ruminate.
Speaker:If you know this about yourself,
Speaker:then you’re instantly empowered to
Speaker:work around these limitations.
Speaker:You’re never caught off guard,
Speaker:unaware of why you do what you do.
Speaker:You recognize your triggers when they
Speaker:emerge,
Speaker:and you know the ways to manage them.
Speaker:You could take psychometric tests or do
Speaker:self-assessments like the MBTI,
Speaker:which will help you better understand
Speaker:your personality.
Speaker:You could also ask those closest to you
Speaker:to share what they understand about
Speaker:your strengths and weaknesses as people
Speaker:looking from the outside in.
Speaker:One interesting exercise is to make a
Speaker:list of what you think your ten best
Speaker:and worst traits are (for example,
Speaker:“dedicated” or “aloof”)
Speaker:and then compare them to a list you ask
Speaker:a close friend or family member to
Speaker:compile.
Speaker:You may be surprised!
Speaker:Alternatively,
Speaker:ask mentors or work colleagues to give
Speaker:you (considerate)
Speaker:feedback to help you better appreciate
Speaker:aspects of your behavior you might not
Speaker:see clearly.
Speaker:A therapist is another person who can
Speaker:help you gain a clear,
Speaker:balanced,
Speaker:and accurate view of yourself that can
Speaker:help moderate the tendency to overthink.
Speaker:One big caveat about self-awareness and
Speaker:introspection,
Speaker:however,
Speaker:we do not necessarily gain any
Speaker:self-awareness by simply turning inward
Speaker:and contemplating our navels.
Speaker:There is,
Speaker:in fact,
Speaker:a wrong way to be self-aware!
Speaker:It’s easy to imagine why-you only
Speaker:replicate any bias or blind spots you
Speaker:have,
Speaker:and never get to test your theories
Speaker:against reality.
Speaker:There are actually two kinds of
Speaker:self-awareness—internal and external.
Speaker:The former is about how well we know
Speaker:our own needs,
Speaker:goals,
Speaker:and feelings,
Speaker:and the latter is about understanding
Speaker:how others see us.
Speaker:Introspection typically only helps us
Speaker:with internal self-awareness,
Speaker:but we need both types to be balanced,
Speaker:well-functioning people.
Speaker:Simply being aware of what we think and
Speaker:feel doesn’t mean that these thoughts
Speaker:or feelings are right or helpful.
Speaker:In fact,
Speaker:research by organizational psychologist
Speaker:Tasha Eurich has shown that people who
Speaker:introspect a lot may actually be worse
Speaker:at self-awareness!
Speaker:Seeing that ninety-five percent of
Speaker:people claim to be self-aware when just
Speaker:fifteen percent are,
Speaker:Eurich said that “eighty percent of
Speaker:us are lying to ourselves about whether
Speaker:we’re lying to ourselves."
Speaker:Anxiety and overthinking thrive in the
Speaker:private spaces in our own minds.
Speaker:If we can open up those spaces,
Speaker:shine some light on them,
Speaker:and invite in others’ perspectives to
Speaker:moderate our own,
Speaker:we can reshape the thought patterns
Speaker:that cause us anxiety.
Speaker:For example,
Speaker:you could argue with yourself for years
Speaker:about whether people secretly dislike
Speaker:you at work,
Speaker:writing fruitlessly in a diary under
Speaker:the guise of gaining awareness about
Speaker:why you’re so unlikable.
Speaker:But if you go out there and gather
Speaker:genuine feedback from your colleagues
Speaker:and discover that you are,
Speaker:in fact,
Speaker:not disliked at all,
Speaker:you gain real,
Speaker:usable self-awareness that will
Speaker:diminish your anxiety,
Speaker:not increase it!
Speaker:3.
Speaker:QUESTION YOURSELF USING SOCRATIC
Speaker:METHOD .
Speaker:If you suffer from anxiety and
Speaker:overthinking,
Speaker:you can sometimes start to think of
Speaker:your brain as an enemy.
Speaker:You might start to view thinking of any
Speaker:kind as stressful and exhausting.
Speaker:But the truth is,
Speaker:your brain,
Speaker:and the rationality it is capable of,
Speaker:is a wonderful thing.
Speaker:The mind is a terrible master and a
Speaker:wonderful servant,
Speaker:as they say.
Speaker:Borrowing some cognitive tools from the
Speaker:philosopher Socrates can help us train
Speaker:our faculties to work for us rather
Speaker:than against us.
Speaker:Socrates once said,
Speaker:“I know you won’t believe me,
Speaker:but the highest form of human
Speaker:excellence is to question oneself and
Speaker:others."
Speaker:For people who find their ruminating
Speaker:takes on an endless,
Speaker:compulsive quality,
Speaker:questions can act as a clarifier,
Speaker:cutting away at useless rumination and
Speaker:allowing us to see ourselves and our
Speaker:thought processes more clearly.
Speaker:Using the Socratic method,
Speaker:you will be able to assess the
Speaker:credibility and logic of your own
Speaker:thoughts.
Speaker:This can be a powerful antidote to the
Speaker:illogic of our most anxious obsessions.
Speaker:You will also be able to identify your
Speaker:own thought patterns and recognize
Speaker:inconsistencies and assumptions.
Speaker:First of all,
Speaker:let’s make a distinction - Here is an
Speaker:anxious question - “What if something
Speaker:goes wrong?
Speaker:What if everything goes wrong?"
Speaker:Here is a more useful question -
Speaker:“What evidence do I have that this is
Speaker:a problem?"
Speaker:Both are questions,
Speaker:but they act in very different ways.
Speaker:The first one is open-ended,
Speaker:vague,
Speaker:and,
Speaker:actually,
Speaker:when you look closely,
Speaker:cannot have a real answer.
Speaker:This is the kind of question that
Speaker:encourages,
Speaker:you guessed it,
Speaker:more overthinking.
Speaker:The second question,
Speaker:however,
Speaker:is focused,
Speaker:deliberate,
Speaker:and intended to bring clarity.
Speaker:It has an answer.
Speaker:And that answer can be acted upon.
Speaker:When you practice Socratic questioning,
Speaker:you are emptying your mind and assuming
Speaker:you know nothing,
Speaker:then proceeding methodically and
Speaker:logically.
Speaker:What do you really know?
Speaker:Instead of running away with
Speaker:assumptions,
Speaker:guesses,
Speaker:and foregone conclusions,
Speaker:you discover the answer step by step.
Speaker:The usual outcome is that you realize
Speaker:your anxiety was an illusion created by
Speaker:faulty assumptions,
Speaker:not objective reality.
Speaker:Let’s say you do the exercise from
Speaker:the previous section and uncover an
Speaker:anxious thought - “My elderly father
Speaker:is really ill and may not last the rest
Speaker:of the year."
Speaker:This leads to,
Speaker:“He’s probably going to die any day
Speaker:now,
Speaker:and I won’t be able to cope when it
Speaker:happens ...” But if you can open that
Speaker:gap by pausing,
Speaker:you can ask questions.
Speaker:According to Clark & Egen (2015)
Speaker:the Socratic method survives in
Speaker:modern-day psychology in the form of
Speaker:Cognitive Behavioral Therapy,
Speaker:which focuses on examining thoughts and
Speaker:beliefs so they can be consciously
Speaker:modified.
Speaker:A good question can help you untangle
Speaker:thoughts that are creating anxiety for
Speaker:you.
Speaker:A “good question” is concise,
Speaker:open (yet purposeful),
Speaker:curious,
Speaker:and neutral—i.e.,
Speaker:there is no judgment or an assumed
Speaker:right answer.
Speaker:Conventionally,
Speaker:Socratic dialogues (and C. B. T.
Speaker:therapy)
Speaker:take place between two people having a
Speaker:conversation.
Speaker:But with practice,
Speaker:you can have a conversation with
Speaker:yourself,
Speaker:or more accurately,
Speaker:with your anxious thoughts.
Speaker:Let’s return to our example and look
Speaker:at a few questions that can help guide
Speaker:us out of confusion and stress -
Speaker:Clarification questions - What do you
Speaker:mean by “really ill?"
Speaker:What exactly will happen if you
Speaker:“can’t cope”?
Speaker:Questions that challenge assumptions -
Speaker:Do you have reason to believe he will
Speaker:die soon?
Speaker:Are you making assumptions about his
Speaker:illness?
Speaker:Uncovering evidence - Can you find any
Speaker:proof that death is imminent?
Speaker:Do you have all the information you
Speaker:need to reach that conclusion?
Speaker:Exploring alternatives - Is it possible
Speaker:that he may,
Speaker:in fact,
Speaker:live?
Speaker:How are his doctors framing his illness?
Speaker:Exploring implications - What effect is
Speaker:this fear having on your life?
Speaker:How does this impact others?
Speaker:By asking these questions,
Speaker:the person in our example could soon
Speaker:realize that although his father’s
Speaker:illness is serious,
Speaker:there is actually very little evidence
Speaker:to suggest that he will die.
Speaker:He can look again at his original
Speaker:thought - “He’s probably going to
Speaker:die any day now and I won’t be able
Speaker:to cope when it happens ...” This
Speaker:thought causes anxiety and launches a
Speaker:whole avalanche of other equally
Speaker:anxious thoughts.
Speaker:But can it be modified?
Speaker:After gently questioning himself,
Speaker:he can arrive at a milder idea -
Speaker:“There is always a chance that he
Speaker:could die,
Speaker:and that is the case for any of us at
Speaker:any time,
Speaker:but he is alive and well now,
Speaker:and there is absolutely no reason to
Speaker:overthink it."
Speaker:What’s more,
Speaker:in the calm that this more balanced
Speaker:idea creates,
Speaker:he could start to see that he actually
Speaker:has very little information and can
Speaker:take action by talking to his father or
Speaker:his father’s doctor to better
Speaker:understand the situation rather than
Speaker:passively panicking about it.
Speaker:When it comes to overthinking,
Speaker:Socratic dialogue can help us slow down
Speaker:and not simply take our own word for it!
Speaker:Your brain can be your worst enemy or
Speaker:your best friend.
Speaker:Commit to using your brainpower for
Speaker:good,
Speaker:and you can actually reduce anxiety by
Speaker:finding clarity and useful ways forward.
Speaker:The next time you’ve identified a
Speaker:stressful thought in yourself,
Speaker:put it under the microscope and ask it
Speaker:to defend itself.
Speaker:Why should you allow an irrational,
Speaker:inaccurate,
Speaker:or flat-out wrong idea to torment and
Speaker:bother you?
Speaker:Try this process - Step 1 - Put your
Speaker:anxious thoughts or ideas into a
Speaker:sentence.
Speaker:Step 2 - Ask,
Speaker:is there any evidence to believe it?
Speaker:Also ask what you one hundred percent
Speaker:know and what is merely bias,
Speaker:expectation,
Speaker:fear,
Speaker:assumption,
Speaker:exaggeration,
Speaker:or catastrophic thinking.
Speaker:Step 3 - Challenge yourself.
Speaker:If something seems a little shaky,
Speaker:look closer.
Speaker:Deliberately look for alternatives or
Speaker:counterexamples to challenge what you
Speaker:currently think.
Speaker:Step 4 - Rewrite this thought into
Speaker:something more moderate.
Speaker:Even if you can remember none of these
Speaker:steps in the heat of the moment,
Speaker:just remind yourself to challenge your
Speaker:assumptions,
Speaker:ask questions,
Speaker:and look for evidence.
Speaker:Remember,
Speaker:too,
Speaker:that you don’t even have to come to
Speaker:some grand conclusion at all.
Speaker:It is always a possibility that you
Speaker:withhold judgment and choose not to
Speaker:react in the first place–we’ll
Speaker:explore this idea more later in the
Speaker:book.
Speaker:For now,
Speaker:it’s a wonderful thing to simply
Speaker:decide that you won’t grasp hold of a
Speaker:thought until it has stood on trial to
Speaker:justify itself!
Speaker:4.
Speaker:TEST YOUR FALSE BELIEFS. .
Speaker:The funny thing about anxiety is how
Speaker:unreal it is.
Speaker:You can convince yourself that
Speaker:something is really a Very Big Problem,
Speaker:but if you look at it with another
Speaker:perspective,
Speaker:all you can see is a person sitting
Speaker:safely and comfortably in their living
Speaker:room,
Speaker:having a series of electro-chemical
Speaker:signals run through their brain.
Speaker:That’s literally it.
Speaker:The Very Big Problem is simply a story
Speaker:they’re telling themselves.
Speaker:Imagine someone having a sudden
Speaker:“aha!” moment about their own
Speaker:anxiety.
Speaker:One day,
Speaker:they witness someone else having a
Speaker:panic attack.
Speaker:They have experienced these awful
Speaker:episodes themselves countless times,
Speaker:but they have never seen the process
Speaker:unfold from the outside,
Speaker:so to speak.
Speaker:Observing from the outside in,
Speaker:they cannot help but be struck by an
Speaker:obvious observation - the entire
Speaker:episode is occurring within that
Speaker:person’s mind.
Speaker:Inside that mind,
Speaker:the world is ending.
Speaker:But the world isn’t ending.
Speaker:As you can imagine,
Speaker:this throws light on the observers own
Speaker:experience.
Speaker:The next time they find themselves
Speaker:slipping into an anxious spiral or
Speaker:attack,
Speaker:they have this episode in the back of
Speaker:their mind… for a moment,
Speaker:they are able to see themselves as an
Speaker:observer would see them.
Speaker:The world certainly feels like it’s
Speaker:ending… but it isn’t.
Speaker:When we worry and ruminate,
Speaker:we can take any old story and behave as
Speaker:if it were true.
Speaker:We can start with “what if they were
Speaker:laughing at me?” and end with
Speaker:“I’m an awful human being and
Speaker:everyone hates me for sure,” all with
Speaker:zero correction or input from the
Speaker:objective world around us.
Speaker:The brain has an amazing capacity to
Speaker:entertain thoughts and ideas that
Speaker:simply aren’t true.
Speaker:This is an amazing ability that allows
Speaker:us to be creative,
Speaker:to plan,
Speaker:to dream,
Speaker:and to think up new solutions that
Speaker:don’t yet exist.
Speaker:But it also allows us to dream up awful
Speaker:hypotheticals and fictitious theories
Speaker:that act like mental torture devices we
Speaker:make for ourselves.
Speaker:There’s one blindingly obvious way to
Speaker:counter this tendency of the brain to
Speaker:run off unchecked into the
Speaker:unreal—test it.
Speaker:Do an experiment.
Speaker:Compare what’s in your head with
Speaker:what’s out there in the world and see
Speaker:if your anxious model of reality
Speaker:actually stands up to scrutiny.
Speaker:It sounds like an odd way to go about
Speaker:it,
Speaker:but how often have you worked yourself
Speaker:up into a froth over an idea that you
Speaker:never once stopped to check the
Speaker:veracity of?
Speaker:How often have you told yourself a
Speaker:mental story and simply assumed it was
Speaker:true without ever checking to see if it
Speaker:was?
Speaker:Much research is now focused on
Speaker:revealing the relationship between
Speaker:anxiety disorders,
Speaker:perception,
Speaker:and the inability to tolerate
Speaker:uncertainty.
Speaker:Psychologist Aaron Beck and his
Speaker:colleagues claimed that anxiety “is
Speaker:an uncontrollable affective response
Speaker:dependent upon the interpretation of a
Speaker:situation and the appraisal of a
Speaker:possible threat of negative events."
Speaker:Basically,
Speaker:the anxiety is not a result of the
Speaker:stimulus itself,
Speaker:but our interpretation of that stimulus
Speaker:as a threat.
Speaker:We decide how anxious we feel based on
Speaker:-
Speaker:•How likely we think the threat is to
Speaker:occur.
Speaker:•How bad we think it’ll be when it
Speaker:happens.
Speaker:•How well we predict we can cope.
Speaker:•How much help we can expect from the
Speaker:outside.
Speaker:As you can see,
Speaker:all of the above are about perception
Speaker:of reality,
Speaker:not reality.
Speaker:If we appraise something as a threat
Speaker:(for example,
Speaker:people laughing when we walk into a
Speaker:room),
Speaker:we may respond with a racing heart,
Speaker:a blush,
Speaker:and a flood of negative thoughts,
Speaker:i.e.,
Speaker:“they’re laughing at me."
Speaker:Almost without knowing you’re doing
Speaker:it,
Speaker:you could create a rich inner theory
Speaker:about this experience designed to deal
Speaker:with the perceived threat and
Speaker:uncertainty.
Speaker:Your anxiety,
Speaker:once started,
Speaker:seems to feed on itself so quickly that
Speaker:you never stop to ask,
Speaker:“Are they actually laughing at me?"
Speaker:Testing our false beliefs can act like
Speaker:a safety valve that breaks the anxiety
Speaker:cycle.
Speaker:For a simple example,
Speaker:you could straight out ask in the
Speaker:moment if people are laughing at you,
Speaker:or pull someone aside and ask them in
Speaker:private what their interpretation of
Speaker:events was.
Speaker:“Oh no,
Speaker:Emma just told a really funny joke the
Speaker:moment you walked in!"
Speaker:Using Socratic dialogue,
Speaker:too,
Speaker:is a way to test our assumptions before
Speaker:we get carried away with them.
Speaker:True,
Speaker:sometimes you really don’t know—but
Speaker:this is where tolerance of uncertainty
Speaker:comes into play.
Speaker:If you have no way of knowing whether
Speaker:people were in fact laughing at you,
Speaker:for example,
Speaker:you could still conclude,
Speaker:“Well,
Speaker:I have no evidence either way."
Speaker:Sometimes,
Speaker:you may have a more vague and general
Speaker:belief,
Speaker:such as,
Speaker:“My whole friend group secretly
Speaker:dislikes me."
Speaker:This belief,
Speaker:too,
Speaker:can be tested.
Speaker:See if you can ask yourself questions
Speaker:to test this potentially false belief -
Speaker:•How likely we think the threat is to
Speaker:occur—How likely is it really that
Speaker:people you consider friends all
Speaker:secretly dislike you?
Speaker:Is it really all that possible,
Speaker:given how often they choose to spend
Speaker:time with you?
Speaker:•How bad we think it’ll be when it
Speaker:happens—Even if your friends
Speaker:occasionally didn’t get on with you,
Speaker:would that be so bad?
Speaker:Is it the end of the world if someone
Speaker:doesn’t like you one hundred percent?
Speaker:Does one person disliking you mean that
Speaker:others won’t,
Speaker:or that you’re completely unlikable?
Speaker:•How well we predict we can cope—Is
Speaker:being a little concerned about this
Speaker:really such a big deal?
Speaker:Is it really crucial that you find out
Speaker:how others feel deep down,
Speaker:or can you handle a little ambiguity?
Speaker:•How much help we can expect from the
Speaker:outside—If you struggle with this
Speaker:idea,
Speaker:isn’t it possible you can talk to
Speaker:your friends about how you feel?
Speaker:Could you sort out your feelings with a
Speaker:therapist or someone else you trust?
Speaker:Another very direct way to test our
Speaker:potentially false beliefs is through
Speaker:exposure therapy.
Speaker:Traditionally,
Speaker:psychologists have used this approach
Speaker:to help people overcome specific
Speaker:phobias.
Speaker:The idea is that if you repeatedly
Speaker:expose yourself to a stimulus that you
Speaker:firmly believe you can’t tolerate,
Speaker:you show yourself that you can tolerate
Speaker:it.
Speaker:You give yourself proof that the
Speaker:thought “I can’t get on a plane
Speaker:because I’ll crash” is actually not
Speaker:true.
Speaker:Your brain makes an interpretation of a
Speaker:stimulus and decides that it’s a
Speaker:threat.
Speaker:But when you repeatedly encounter this
Speaker:“threat” and nothing bad happens,
Speaker:your brain soon has to adjust its
Speaker:appraisal.
Speaker:This is a very practical way to
Speaker:directly challenge assumptions,
Speaker:because the evidence simply cannot be
Speaker:denied.
Speaker:Eventually,
Speaker:you learn to internalize this updated
Speaker:version of reality,
Speaker:and let go of your distorted idea of
Speaker:that reality.
Speaker:Importantly,
Speaker:this isn’t something that happens
Speaker:abstractly in your head.
Speaker:It’s something you do out there in
Speaker:the world.
Speaker:The moment you take thoughts and
Speaker:feelings out of your head and
Speaker:externalize them into the world,
Speaker:you allow them to be tested.
Speaker:What is real remains,
Speaker:what is anxious illusion and fantasy
Speaker:disappears like mist.
Speaker:To make exposure therapy work,
Speaker:however,
Speaker:you have to tolerate the stimulus until
Speaker:it no longer provokes a fear response.
Speaker:Quit before this point,
Speaker:and you only reinforce that the
Speaker:stimulus is a bad thing that you need
Speaker:to fear and avoid.
Speaker:Your anxiety may rise in the face of a
Speaker:stimulus,
Speaker:and if you choose to escape at the
Speaker:moment when your anxiety is highest,
Speaker:then that anxiety will naturally fall
Speaker:when you flee the situation.
Speaker:Your brain will register the drop in
Speaker:anxiety,
Speaker:and conclude that escaping was the
Speaker:right thing to do,
Speaker:and that the stimulus really was
Speaker:frightening after all.
Speaker:This is the exact situation you need to
Speaker:take care to avoid when using exposure
Speaker:therapy principles to tackle anxiety.
Speaker:So,
Speaker:how can you properly use exposure
Speaker:therapy in your own life when dealing
Speaker:with overthinking?
Speaker:First,
Speaker:identify a thought or story you’re
Speaker:telling yourself that is causing you to
Speaker:feel anxious;
Speaker:for example,
Speaker:“I’m incapable of public speaking."
Speaker:Let’s say the thought of public
Speaker:speaking causes a major anxiety
Speaker:response.
Speaker:The next step is to see if this can be
Speaker:tested in reality.
Speaker:Sit down and write a list of graded
Speaker:steps you can take to gradually expose
Speaker:yourself to the idea of public speaking.
Speaker:Remember to tolerate the stimulus until
Speaker:it doesn’t cause a fear response
Speaker:anymore.
Speaker:Maybe you sign up for an amateur acting
Speaker:class and practice,
Speaker:in baby steps,
Speaker:getting on stage and speaking a few
Speaker:lines,
Speaker:then gradually increasing the time you
Speaker:spend on stage.
Speaker:Work up to offering to give a
Speaker:presentation at work where you have to
Speaker:speak for a longer period.
Speaker:Every time you expose yourself to the
Speaker:stimulus,
Speaker:challenge yourself to observe what is
Speaker:happening - is it really as bad as you
Speaker:thought?
Speaker:Are you absolutely “incapable,” or
Speaker:do you just find it a little unfamiliar
Speaker:and uncomfortable?
Speaker:Finally,
Speaker:keep going and allow your experiences
Speaker:to gently challenge your original
Speaker:thought.
Speaker:Maybe you eventually arrive at a more
Speaker:balanced view.
Speaker:“I don’t really enjoy public
Speaker:speaking,
Speaker:but it’s something I can do if I need
Speaker:to,
Speaker:and I’m sure I could get better if I
Speaker:practiced."
Speaker:Not all beliefs and thoughts can be
Speaker:challenged with exposure therapy.
Speaker:If that’s the case for you,
Speaker:try to embrace the uncertainty rather
Speaker:than rush in with a story or theory to
Speaker:help counter the perceived “threat."
Speaker:It can take practice to simply say “I
Speaker:don’t know yet what kind of situation
Speaker:this is” instead of “this is a bad
Speaker:situation."
Speaker:The next time you encounter an
Speaker:ambiguous or unresolved situation,
Speaker:choose to deliberately interpret it as
Speaker:unknown rather than threatening.
Speaker:“That girl from last night’s date
Speaker:hasn’t replied to my text.
Speaker:I don’t know how she feels about me
Speaker:yet,” is far less anxiety-provoking
Speaker:than,
Speaker:“She hasn’t replied.
Speaker:She’s definitely not interested.
Speaker:I hate dating!"
Speaker:Researchers are now wondering whether
Speaker:uncertainty intolerance is a kind of
Speaker:personal characteristic or trait that
Speaker:predisposes us to anxiety.
Speaker:Gentes & Ruscio published a
Speaker:meta-analysis in 2011 in Clinical
Speaker:Psychology Review exploring this trait
Speaker:in detail,
Speaker:and through statistically analyzing the
Speaker:data,
Speaker:they found definite and significant
Speaker:links between mental illness and what
Speaker:has been called “paralysis of
Speaker:cognition and action in the face of
Speaker:uncertainty."
Speaker:How well a person can tolerate
Speaker:uncertainty has even been implicated in
Speaker:things like OCD,
Speaker:social anxiety,
Speaker:depression,
Speaker:and even eating disorders,
Speaker:so if this is something you recognize
Speaker:in yourself,
Speaker:learning to tolerate the unknown could
Speaker:make a drastic difference to many areas
Speaker:of your life,
Speaker:stress included.
Speaker:5.
Speaker:MAKE A MIND MAP. .
Speaker:What does anxiety and overthinking look
Speaker:like?
Speaker:Close your eyes right now and visualize
Speaker:how rumination and stress look.
Speaker:If you’re like most people,
Speaker:you might imagine one thing - chaos.
Speaker:Maybe you imagine a big overwhelming
Speaker:flood of things running into one
Speaker:another,
Speaker:a noisy jumble,
Speaker:or a riot of things that are moving too
Speaker:fast and without any order or control.
Speaker:For many people,
Speaker:anxious thoughts are often
Speaker:characterized by never-ending loops,
Speaker:knots,
Speaker:tangles,
Speaker:and too many thoughts piled up on top
Speaker:of each other in a complete mess,
Speaker:right?
Speaker:Knowing this about how anxiety feels
Speaker:and looks,
Speaker:we can work backwards to untangle those
Speaker:metaphorical knots.
Speaker:Brain dumping is a seriously useful
Speaker:tool for cutting through this mind
Speaker:clutter and finding sweet,
Speaker:sweet clarity.
Speaker:Think of it as an organized brain dump.
Speaker:Instead of letting that plate of crazy
Speaker:mental spaghetti swirl around in your
Speaker:head,
Speaker:you put it down on paper,
Speaker:and see just exactly what you’re
Speaker:dealing with,
Speaker:where it starts,
Speaker:and where it ends.
Speaker:From there,
Speaker:you can start to get some relief,
Speaker:organize things,
Speaker:claim back a little control,
Speaker:solve problems,
Speaker:take action to improve what you can,
Speaker:and let go of those things you can’t
Speaker:change.
Speaker:It's as though you are in a crowded and
Speaker:chaotic train station,
Speaker:running around,
Speaker:getting freaked out about every tiny
Speaker:detail.
Speaker:But when you make a mind map,
Speaker:you zoom out and get a bird’s eye
Speaker:view of everything.
Speaker:The train station isn’t a crazy
Speaker:mess–there’s rhyme and reason in
Speaker:the way it’s laid out,
Speaker:and it can be made sense of.
Speaker:Suddenly,
Speaker:you don’t feel so overwhelmed,
Speaker:and you can also start to see how
Speaker:things can be simplified,
Speaker:de-cluttered,
Speaker:and slowed down.
Speaker:You can certainly see which stimuli can
Speaker:be completely ignored!
Speaker:The technique is very simple.
Speaker:First,
Speaker:get out a piece of blank paper and a
Speaker:pen or pencil and sit somewhere
Speaker:you’ll be undisturbed for a while.
Speaker:Begin with a focus word or phrase—you
Speaker:don’t have to nail down the single
Speaker:Big Issue that’s worrying you;
Speaker:just put down the first main problem
Speaker:that springs to mind.
Speaker:Importantly,
Speaker:you don’t want to get distracted by
Speaker:doing it “right” or analyzing at
Speaker:this stage.
Speaker:Just give yourself permission to put
Speaker:everything you’re thinking of onto
Speaker:the page.
Speaker:Don’t overthink it.
Speaker:For example,
Speaker:you sit down and imagine your head is a
Speaker:jug and you’re pouring everything out.
Speaker:The first word that comes out is
Speaker:DEADLINE. You scribble this in dark,
Speaker:menacing letters at the center of the
Speaker:page,
Speaker:then draw some branches around it.
Speaker:On these branches,
Speaker:you explore different aspects of this
Speaker:main nub of anxiety.
Speaker:You could explore,
Speaker:for example -
Speaker:•How you feel about it.
Speaker:•The people involved.
Speaker:•Physical sensations.
Speaker:•The history of this idea or feeling.
Speaker:•Events in the past.
Speaker:•Thoughts about this idea.
Speaker:•Related areas of concern.
Speaker:•Why it’s a problem.
Speaker:•Other complicating factors.
Speaker:From each of these branches,
Speaker:you extend more details.
Speaker:For example,
Speaker:branching from DEADLINE could be “I
Speaker:feel resentful and obliged” and
Speaker:“exhausted” as feelings about an
Speaker:upcoming tight deadline.
Speaker:Off of the “resentful” branch,
Speaker:however,
Speaker:you may discover you have even more
Speaker:mental material to dump,
Speaker:and draw more sub-branches - “I
Speaker:agreed to this when I knew I
Speaker:shouldn’t have."
Speaker:This may lead to some other branches to
Speaker:do with your job or boundaries that
Speaker:need strengthening (more on this in a
Speaker:later chapter).
Speaker:Now for the second part.
Speaker:Once you’ve put everything down,
Speaker:just pause for a moment and see if
Speaker:there’s anything else in there.
Speaker:Remember that you are not in
Speaker:problem-solving,
Speaker:judging,
Speaker:or organizing mode just yet.
Speaker:You are in brain-dump mode.
Speaker:And yes,
Speaker:it will be messy (that’s the point!).
Speaker:How do you organize the mess?
Speaker:Well,
Speaker:take a breath and consciously ask your
Speaker:brain to go into a different mode.
Speaker:When we overthink and ruminate,
Speaker:we are in a state of mind where we are
Speaker:constantly distracted by endless detail
Speaker:and irrelevant minutiae.
Speaker:To get out of anxiety,
Speaker:we need to stop being at the mercy of
Speaker:these meaningless details and start
Speaker:instead to take control of them.
Speaker:Cut through the clutter with these four
Speaker:questions -
Speaker:•What can I control?
Speaker:•What can I not control?
Speaker:•What can I DO to improve my
Speaker:situation?
Speaker:•What really matters to me most?
Speaker:When we focus on control,
Speaker:concrete action,
Speaker:and our values,
Speaker:it’s as though we have a sword that
Speaker:cuts through mental confusion and
Speaker:overwhelm.
Speaker:Let’s go back to our example.
Speaker:You look at the resulting mind map and
Speaker:ask first what you can control.
Speaker:You see that you cannot change the fact
Speaker:of the deadline,
Speaker:or the fact of what you have already
Speaker:done in the past.
Speaker:But you see that you can control what
Speaker:you do right now.
Speaker:You have a look at your mind map and
Speaker:see some patterns (in previous maps you
Speaker:might have made,
Speaker:too.)
Speaker:You keep turning these questions over
Speaker:and over again,
Speaker:and the issue begins to take a simpler,
Speaker:clearer shape.
Speaker:It seems that every time you agree to
Speaker:act against your own principles or
Speaker:values,
Speaker:and any time you take on the work you
Speaker:think you should be doing rather than
Speaker:the work you can realistically do,
Speaker:then you feel stressed and resentful.
Speaker:Still,
Speaker:what to actually do with this insight?
Speaker:Well,
Speaker:you can make sure you act differently
Speaker:next time.
Speaker:But what about now?
Speaker:Perhaps you take a yellow highlighter
Speaker:and highlight only those parts of the
Speaker:mind map that you can reasonably do
Speaker:anything about.
Speaker:When you are literally staring at a
Speaker:page of clutter with only one or two
Speaker:yellow lines through it,
Speaker:you can see for yourself how much of
Speaker:your thoughts are useful,
Speaker:and how much is pure distraction,
Speaker:stress,
Speaker:and overthinking!
Speaker:It sounds too simple,
Speaker:but sometimes,
Speaker:if we can visually see how much of our
Speaker:stress is unnecessary,
Speaker:we can more easily let it go.
Speaker:The stressed mind loves vague,
Speaker:general visions of doom.
Speaker:But if you can narrow things down to
Speaker:specifics,
Speaker:put words to them,
Speaker:and start ordering your thoughts,
Speaker:you start to see how insignificant most
Speaker:of your thought traffic actually is.
Speaker:The giant plate of spaghetti,
Speaker:you realize,
Speaker:is really just one long noodle that’s
Speaker:gotten a bit twisted!
Speaker:Mind mapping takes a little practice.
Speaker:You have plenty of liberty to adjust
Speaker:this tool as required until it works
Speaker:for you and your life.
Speaker:Just be careful that you don’t
Speaker:inadvertently give yourself another
Speaker:tool for rumination!
Speaker:If you’re feeling overwhelmed,
Speaker:simply go back to the four questions
Speaker:above.
Speaker:If you feel a little lost,
Speaker:look for patterns.
Speaker:For example,
Speaker:even though it feels like you have
Speaker:three dozen separate things to worry
Speaker:about,
Speaker:could they really all be versions of
Speaker:the same thing?
Speaker:And if you’re feeling bad,
Speaker:try to find specific words to describe
Speaker:it.
Speaker:“Everything is wrong and I hate my
Speaker:life” is so big and overwhelming,
Speaker:but “I am overwhelmed right now by
Speaker:the number of tasks I feel people
Speaker:expect me to do” is smaller and more
Speaker:manageable.
Speaker:You may carry on even further with your
Speaker:mind map exercise and eventually
Speaker:whittle the problem down to,
Speaker:“I actually have just two things I
Speaker:need to do now.
Speaker:It feels like two thousand things,
Speaker:but when I write them down,
Speaker:I see that I don’t actually have too
Speaker:many tasks on my plate."
Speaker:Once you’ve gotten the hang of mind
Speaker:maps for stress management,
Speaker:you can incorporate other techniques
Speaker:covered in this book.
Speaker:For example,
Speaker:you can use a mind map to help you
Speaker:identify false beliefs you want to
Speaker:rewrite,
Speaker:ask questions of yourself,
Speaker:or put labels on the emotions you’re
Speaker:feeling.
Speaker:You can also use a mind map in more
Speaker:practical,
Speaker:everyday ways,
Speaker:for example to order and organize
Speaker:schedules,
Speaker:tasks,
Speaker:lists,
Speaker:and plans.
Speaker:Sometimes,
Speaker:trying to hold such mundane things in
Speaker:your head is itself stressful;
Speaker:put it all down on paper and walk away
Speaker:from it all for a while.
Speaker:When you come back,
Speaker:you may find that the whole thing looks
Speaker:a lot less intimidating.
Speaker:Finally,
Speaker:it’s worth remembering that
Speaker:sometimes,
Speaker:a mind map alone won’t magically
Speaker:solve all your problems or shine a
Speaker:light out of a dilemma.
Speaker:But what it will always do is put you
Speaker:in a proactive,
Speaker:rational,
Speaker:and conscious frame of mind.
Speaker:And this will make you feel calmer and
Speaker:more in control,
Speaker:whether you solve the problem or not!
Speaker:6.
Speaker:PLAY MIND GAMES. .
Speaker:One powerful weapon we have against
Speaker:useless overthinking is distraction,
Speaker:or,
Speaker:as T. S. Eliot phrased it,
Speaker:“distracted from distraction by
Speaker:distraction."
Speaker:Here’s the thing - if you already
Speaker:know logically that your rumination
Speaker:does not serve you in any way,
Speaker:then you know you can safely ignore it.
Speaker:Fighting with overwhelming thoughts
Speaker:just makes them stronger.
Speaker:What you need instead is a complete
Speaker:break and to completely take your mind
Speaker:off things.
Speaker:Being distracted is sometimes the
Speaker:perfect (and only!)
Speaker:way to short circuit rumination and
Speaker:give yourself enough of a break to gain
Speaker:mental serenity again.
Speaker:Yes,
Speaker:“distraction” has a bad reputation.
Speaker:But if we use it consciously and
Speaker:deliberately,
Speaker:it can be a way to quickly escape a
Speaker:runaway brain when things like
Speaker:mindfulness are just not going to work.
Speaker:Playing “mind games” with yourself
Speaker:is a little like catching an unhappy
Speaker:child’s attention by waving a stuffed
Speaker:toy around.
Speaker:You can’t rationalize with a
Speaker:two-year-old having a tantrum about
Speaker:something that makes no sense in the
Speaker:first place.
Speaker:All you can do is cleverly pull
Speaker:attention away long enough to get them
Speaker:to calm down!
Speaker:Think of your anxious brain the same
Speaker:way—it’s just a child having a
Speaker:tantrum.
Speaker:It’s just gotten stuck in the mud and
Speaker:needs a quick shove to loosen it again.
Speaker:Here are a few ideas to help you do
Speaker:just that - Game 1 - Fantasize about
Speaker:the perfect day.
Speaker:If there were absolutely nothing to
Speaker:stop you,
Speaker:what would your perfect day look like?
Speaker:If you had all the money,
Speaker:time,
Speaker:and energy in the world,
Speaker:what would you get up to from the
Speaker:moment you opened your eyes in the
Speaker:morning?
Speaker:Have fun with it.
Speaker:If you like,
Speaker:you can construct your own imaginary
Speaker:hypothetical society,
Speaker:or dream up the perfect home—it
Speaker:doesn’t have to be realistic or make
Speaker:any sense.
Speaker:It just has to be entertaining.
Speaker:Game 2 - Get lost in questions.
Speaker:Anxiety and curiosity are mutually
Speaker:exclusive experiences—you cannot be
Speaker:both at the same time.
Speaker:Imagine you’re a child again and
Speaker:looking at the world with completely
Speaker:fresh eyes.
Speaker:What stands out to you?
Speaker:What’s really weird when you start
Speaker:thinking about it?
Speaker:What have you always secretly wondered,
Speaker:but never actually investigated?
Speaker:You don’t have to come up with any
Speaker:profound insights or do anything to
Speaker:find out the answers to big questions.
Speaker:Just playing around with being open and
Speaker:loose.
Speaker:Like,
Speaker:who decided where the borders of
Speaker:countries go?
Speaker:What was it like when there were no
Speaker:“countries”?
Speaker:When was the first time they even used
Speaker:that word?
Speaker:Has there ever been someone born
Speaker:exactly on a boundary?
Speaker:Game 3 - Go on a mental walk.
Speaker:One sneaky way to distract yourself is
Speaker:simply to give your poor overworked
Speaker:brain a job that is pretty simple yet
Speaker:engrossing.
Speaker:You can “displace” anxious thoughts
Speaker:with neutral or pleasant ones that
Speaker:require your full attention.
Speaker:Close your eyes and picture a favorite
Speaker:place,
Speaker:a holiday you’ve gone on,
Speaker:or a well-known route you’ve traveled
Speaker:in the past.
Speaker:Now mentally walk through this
Speaker:visualization,
Speaker:taking plenty of time to flesh out the
Speaker:details on each of the five senses.
Speaker:See how much you can remember from your
Speaker:childhood home or classroom.
Speaker:Or try to reconstruct the layout of the
Speaker:supermarket you used to go to in
Speaker:another town.
Speaker:This is a great exercise when you’re
Speaker:trying to fall asleep.
Speaker:Game 4 - The alphabet game.
Speaker:This one is simple.
Speaker:Pick a broad category,
Speaker:like animals,
Speaker:food,
Speaker:or movies,
Speaker:then move through the alphabet thinking
Speaker:of an item that starts with that letter.
Speaker:For example,
Speaker:“aardvark,
Speaker:baboon,
Speaker:camel,
Speaker:dinosaur ...” You could make yourself
Speaker:think of three items before moving on,
Speaker:or make a special rule where you can
Speaker:avoid tricky letters like Q,
Speaker:if you want to.
Speaker:Or,
Speaker:when you get to Z,
Speaker:go around the alphabet again and repeat
Speaker:the process with new items.
Speaker:Game 5 - Build your mental museum.
Speaker:This is a little like going on a mental
Speaker:walk,
Speaker:except instead of fleshing out a memory
Speaker:you already have,
Speaker:you build something from scratch.
Speaker:Start by imagining that you’re in a
Speaker:completely empty room with bare white
Speaker:walls—or go a step further and
Speaker:imagine no walls at all (remember that
Speaker:scene in The Matrix?).
Speaker:Now assemble a collection of things
Speaker:exactly as you want them.
Speaker:Maybe you could gather up a few
Speaker:favorite images or paintings,
Speaker:or make an exhibition of all your
Speaker:favorite items—or,
Speaker:for that matter,
Speaker:your favorite people!
Speaker:Collect little mementos that remind you
Speaker:of happy memories or of things you care
Speaker:about.
Speaker:You can make the theme of the museum
Speaker:anything you like.
Speaker:It can be personal or simply a
Speaker:fantastical vision of a hypothetical
Speaker:museum you’d love to visit.
Speaker:Game 6 - Memory game.
Speaker:Give your brain the task of remembering
Speaker:a speech,
Speaker:poem,
Speaker:pattern,
Speaker:or sequence.
Speaker:Challenge yourself.
Speaker:You could also play counting games
Speaker:where you count backward or skip ahead
Speaker:in fixed intervals—or go backward in
Speaker:fixed intervals!
Speaker:Game 7 - People watch.
Speaker:If you’re feeling anxious when away
Speaker:from home and need a distraction in a
Speaker:public place,
Speaker:try people watching.
Speaker:Watch people walk by and try to guess
Speaker:their names,
Speaker:their occupations,
Speaker:their ages,
Speaker:or even their deepest secrets.
Speaker:See if you can imagine what each person
Speaker:is thinking at that very moment,
Speaker:or where they may be headed to.
Speaker:It’s true that distraction can be
Speaker:harmful if done compulsively or
Speaker:unconsciously,
Speaker:but it can certainly be a clever way to
Speaker:manage stress if used wisely.
Speaker:You can even try inventing your own
Speaker:distraction games.
Speaker:The only aim is to find a mental
Speaker:activity that is absorbing enough to
Speaker:pull your mind away from compulsive
Speaker:rumination.
Speaker:The idea is that once you’ve played
Speaker:the game for a while,
Speaker:you’ll come back to the “real
Speaker:world” and discover you’re feeling
Speaker:much more relaxed.
Speaker:7.
Speaker:USE THE A. B. C. MODEL TO UNDERSTAND
Speaker:YOUR STRESS. .
Speaker:You’re probably beginning to notice a
Speaker:few themes here.
Speaker:It seems that for all methods for
Speaker:tackling anxiety,
Speaker:we need to do the opposite of what our
Speaker:stressed and ruminative mind wants us
Speaker:to do!
Speaker:For example,
Speaker:where it wants to be general and vague,
Speaker:we can be specific.
Speaker:Where it wants to jump to conclusions,
Speaker:we can slow down and look at the facts.
Speaker:Where it wants to be irrational and
Speaker:panicky,
Speaker:we can be deliberate,
Speaker:conscious,
Speaker:and in control.
Speaker:One great framework for understanding a
Speaker:whole range of approaches to stress
Speaker:reduction is called the A. B. C. model.
Speaker:It pulls you out of the reactive,
Speaker:unconscious frame of mind that is
Speaker:anxiety and puts you in a position to
Speaker:move forward.
Speaker:A is for Adversity (or sometimes
Speaker:Activating event or Antecedent,
Speaker:i.e.,
Speaker:what came before)
Speaker:B is for Beliefs (that are triggered by
Speaker:the Adversity)
Speaker:C is for Consequences (our behavioral
Speaker:and emotional response)
Speaker:Very generally,
Speaker:if we can understand the events that
Speaker:trigger certain thoughts and beliefs,
Speaker:and how these then in turn create
Speaker:consequences for us (i.e.,
Speaker:stress!),
Speaker:we can work backward to create a life
Speaker:that is closer to what we want.
Speaker:Let’s start with the activating event.
Speaker:This can be internal (for example,
Speaker:a headache)
Speaker:or external (for example,
Speaker:a comment from someone else).
Speaker:Now,
Speaker:these stimuli in themselves mean
Speaker:nothing.
Speaker:We come in with certain beliefs and
Speaker:interpretations about them,
Speaker:and these can be rational or irrational.
Speaker:Let’s say you have a headache,
Speaker:and this activates certain (usually
Speaker:automatic)
Speaker:beliefs - Just my luck.
Speaker:I’m not going to be able to do my
Speaker:work today.
Speaker:This is bad,
Speaker:and it’s going to get worse ...I
Speaker:can’t believe this is happening to me.
Speaker:These thoughts then trigger certain
Speaker:emotions,
Speaker:in this case fear and worry.
Speaker:Importantly,
Speaker:it’s not the event itself,
Speaker:but our interpretation of it that
Speaker:creates anxiety.
Speaker:But as you can see,
Speaker:the beliefs above are not exactly based
Speaker:in objective reality.
Speaker:They are distortions.
Speaker:When we are stuck in anxious
Speaker:rumination,
Speaker:we think we are solving a problem by
Speaker:dwelling on our beliefs themselves;
Speaker:for example,
Speaker:we might think at length about how bad
Speaker:the headache is and how we are going to
Speaker:deal with the catastrophe it will turn
Speaker:out to be.
Speaker:But with the A. B. C. model,
Speaker:what we do is examine the beliefs
Speaker:themselves.
Speaker:Who says the headache will be a
Speaker:catastrophe,
Speaker:anyway?
Speaker:We don’t take for granted that our
Speaker:beliefs are always accurate!
Speaker:If we feel anxious,
Speaker:it is usually because we hold beliefs,
Speaker:assumptions,
Speaker:and biases that trigger and maintain
Speaker:this anxiety.
Speaker:Change those beliefs and we remove the
Speaker:anxiety.
Speaker:Here’s another example.
Speaker:You find out that two of your friends
Speaker:are hanging out,
Speaker:but didn’t invite you to join them
Speaker:(activating event).
Speaker:You think,
Speaker:“They’ve excluded me on purpose.
Speaker:Maybe they’re talking about me right
Speaker:now” (beliefs),
Speaker:and as a result,
Speaker:you have trouble falling asleep that
Speaker:night,
Speaker:and the next morning,
Speaker:you are rude to both of them,
Speaker:causing upset (consequences).
Speaker:Now,
Speaker:the A. B. C. model helps us understand
Speaker:what has happened,
Speaker:but it also helps us go back and
Speaker:re-engineer situations so that we get
Speaker:the outcomes we want.
Speaker:1. First,
Speaker:identify the activating event,
Speaker:trigger,
Speaker:or antecedent (not being invited)
Speaker:2. Next,
Speaker:identify how you feel about this event
Speaker:or situation (ashamed,
Speaker:excluded,
Speaker:rejected)
Speaker:3. Then,
Speaker:see if you can find the belief behind
Speaker:this response (“If they didn’t
Speaker:invite me,
Speaker:it must be because they dislike me.”)
Speaker:4. Take a close look at this belief and
Speaker:ask whether it’s really true.
Speaker:Is it rational?
Speaker:(The belief is not really rational
Speaker:since they could fail to invite you
Speaker:while still liking you.
Speaker:You realize that you have also spent
Speaker:time with them individually without
Speaker:inviting the other without intending
Speaker:any offense.
Speaker:You also realize that they are actually
Speaker:closer to one another than to you,
Speaker:and that this isn’t the end of the
Speaker:world—other people can have close
Speaker:connections without it threatening you
Speaker:in any way!)
Speaker:5. Try to recognize alternative
Speaker:interpretations of the situation,
Speaker:or modify your belief (Your friends
Speaker:have not done anything to you.
Speaker:There isn’t really a problem.
Speaker:In fact,
Speaker:seeing as they’re doing a hobby you
Speaker:don’t really like,
Speaker:you’re a little relieved they
Speaker:didn’t invite you ...)
Speaker:Everyone has different reactions to
Speaker:stress,
Speaker:and we may ourselves vary in our
Speaker:responses over time.
Speaker:But we can always become aware of and
Speaker:moderate these responses.
Speaker:The A. B. C. model helps us identify
Speaker:and change those irrational beliefs
Speaker:that cause anxiety.
Speaker:It’s worth starting with emotions
Speaker:because they are usually at the
Speaker:forefront of our experience.
Speaker:If you feel angry,
Speaker:investigate whether a boundary or right
Speaker:has been violated.
Speaker:If you’re sad,
Speaker:look at what has been potentially lost.
Speaker:Fear and anxiety can point to beliefs
Speaker:that dwell on threat—real or imagined.
Speaker:(Let’s be honest,
Speaker:it’s often imagined!)
Speaker:Guilt comes from the knowledge that
Speaker:we’ve violated someone’s boundary.
Speaker:Now,
Speaker:laying out examples on paper like this
Speaker:can make it seem fairly
Speaker:straightforward,
Speaker:but life is usually a bit more
Speaker:complicated.
Speaker:There are many ways we can use the A.
Speaker:B. C. model.
Speaker:We can use it for small,
Speaker:individual scenarios as they unfold in
Speaker:the moment,
Speaker:or we can use it retroactively to
Speaker:dissect recurring overall themes and
Speaker:patterns in our lives.
Speaker:Or both!
Speaker:When you’re exploring antecedents,
Speaker:bear in mind that there could be many.
Speaker:It could be a person,
Speaker:an event,
Speaker:or just a situation.
Speaker:Consider the setting/environment,
Speaker:timing (the hour,
Speaker:day,
Speaker:time of year ...),
Speaker:what sensory information is coming in,
Speaker:what isn’t happening,
Speaker:people’s behaviors or words,
Speaker:memories,
Speaker:(sometimes we don’t even realize a
Speaker:memory has triggered us and instead
Speaker:think our anxiety has to do with what
Speaker:is happening in the present)
Speaker:or certain relationship dynamics.
Speaker:Likewise,
Speaker:there may be many resulting beliefs and
Speaker:thoughts that are triggered.
Speaker:You may find that a surface level
Speaker:belief (“they’ve excluded me”)
Speaker:sometimes conceals a deeper,
Speaker:more lasting core belief (“there is
Speaker:something wrong with who I am”).
Speaker:It’s worth taking your time to dig a
Speaker:little.
Speaker:Finally,
Speaker:consequences can be varied and play out
Speaker:on different time scales,
Speaker:too.
Speaker:We can ask what effects our beliefs
Speaker:have on us either in the short term or
Speaker:the long term.
Speaker:In our example,
Speaker:the short-term consequence is to lash
Speaker:out at the two friends,
Speaker:but in the longer term,
Speaker:you may discover that your core beliefs
Speaker:are actually getting in the way of your
Speaker:relationships in general.
Speaker:How you use insights gained from the A.
Speaker:B. C. model is up to you.
Speaker:But here are three questions that can
Speaker:help you reprogram your conditioned
Speaker:response from each level,
Speaker:A,
Speaker:B,
Speaker:or C - A - Is it possible to change or
Speaker:remove certain triggers and antecedents?
Speaker:How?
Speaker:B - If your resulting belief is
Speaker:irrational,
Speaker:how can you modify or completely
Speaker:replace it?
Speaker:C - Can you change the consequences of
Speaker:your behaviors so that you reinforce
Speaker:the more rational beliefs?
Speaker:If the A. B. C. model doesn’t quite
Speaker:work for you,
Speaker:take a look at the RAIN framework
Speaker:created by Michele McDonald,
Speaker:a renowned meditation teacher.
Speaker:It’s simple - RECOGNIZE/RELAX into
Speaker:what is emerging in your awareness (for
Speaker:example,
Speaker:your anxious feelings).
Speaker:ACCEPT/ ALLOW it to simply be what it
Speaker:is.
Speaker:INVESTIGATE the Thoughts And Emotions
Speaker:That Emerge (this Includes Bodily
Speaker:Sensations,
Speaker:Too).
Speaker:NOTE what is unfolding from one moment
Speaker:to the next.
Speaker:Here’s how that could look written as
Speaker:an inner self-dialogue - So,
Speaker:I feel some stress coming on.
Speaker:I know this feeling.
Speaker:That’s okay.
Speaker:I can let it happen,
Speaker:and it’s not a problem.
Speaker:It really isn’t.
Speaker:I’m going to relax and let this wave
Speaker:just pass.
Speaker:And it will pass.
Speaker:What is happening to me?
Speaker:I feel a weirdness in my chest.
Speaker:I recognize those core beliefs coming
Speaker:up in me,
Speaker:but I also notice that I’m not
Speaker:following that path into fear,
Speaker:either ...I’m having an anxiety
Speaker:experience right now,
Speaker:and it’s okay.
Speaker:In fact,
Speaker:I notice that it is already waning ...
Speaker:The reason this RAIN technique works is
Speaker:because it puts us in a frame of mind
Speaker:that cannot co-exist with anxiety.
Speaker:When we are open,
Speaker:curious,
Speaker:and relaxed,
Speaker:we simply can’t feel anxiety.
Speaker:So,
Speaker:what happens if we relax into our
Speaker:stress response and just become curious
Speaker:about it rather than fearing it and
Speaker:resisting it?
Speaker:Most of us know what it feels like to
Speaker:fear the fear.
Speaker:What does it feel like to be curious
Speaker:about it,
Speaker:instead?
Speaker:Summary -
Speaker:•Whatever form stress and anxiety
Speaker:take in your life,
Speaker:it’s worth having some psychological
Speaker:tools to help you manage it mindfully.
Speaker:Build more self-awareness by learning
Speaker:to label your emotions and noting how
Speaker:they feel in your body in the moment.
Speaker:We can also build self-awareness by
Speaker:keeping a regular thought diary,
Speaker:or by taking psychometric tests.
Speaker:•We don’t have to accept our
Speaker:anxious thoughts as gospel.
Speaker:The Socratic questioning method asks us
Speaker:to look for evidence,
Speaker:become curious,
Speaker:and deliberately seek out alternative
Speaker:interpretations.
Speaker:We can likewise test our false beliefs
Speaker:by reappraising our assessment of the
Speaker:situation and the “threat” we see.
Speaker:•Making a mind map gives us
Speaker:perspective and clarity on the chaos
Speaker:that may be in our minds.
Speaker:Start with a single word or phrase and
Speaker:do a “brain dump,” then look for
Speaker:patterns and themes,
Speaker:asking what you can control and what
Speaker:you cannot.
Speaker:One of the best cures for anxiety is to
Speaker:ask what you can realistically do about
Speaker:your situation.
Speaker:•The A. B. C. model helps us
Speaker:understand the antecedents,
Speaker:beliefs,
Speaker:and consequences of our stress
Speaker:reaction,
Speaker:and allows us to re-engineer our
Speaker:perspective and behave differently.
Speaker:•One option is to simply distract
Speaker:yourself by giving your brain an
Speaker:engaging “mind game."
Speaker:This has been
Speaker:How to Stop Overthinking:
Speaker:The Art of Creating Problems That Don't Exist
Speaker:By Nick Trenton
Speaker:Narrated by Russell Newton.
