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Overcome Anxiety and Find Peace
00:00:00 Hello, listeners
00:09:00 Steps to Let Go of Your Inner Critic
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In this eye-opening video, author and behavioral psychologist Nick Trenton shares his insights on mastering the art of letting go and finding inner peace in a world filled with constant noise and stress.
Trenton, who grew up on a farm in rural Illinois, discusses how our minds are wired for survival in the prehistoric era (10,000 BC) and how this affects our modern-day struggles with anxiety, worry, and negativity. He emphasizes the importance of letting go of the past and focusing on the present to create the life we want.
Throughout the video, Trenton provides practical steps to let go of your inner critic, control your thoughts, and cultivate happiness by trusting in the journey ahead. He also delves into the science behind rewiring our anxious brain connections and transforming our internal worldviews.
Whether you're always on edge, struggling with self-talk, or simply seeking a more peaceful existence, this video offers valuable insights and actionable advice for anyone ready to take control of their mental well-being.
Don't miss this opportunity to learn from Nick Trenton's personal journey and apply these life-changing principles to your own path to inner peace. Tune in now and start your transformation today!
Transcript
Hello, listeners, and welcome to "The Path to Calm - Stop Overthinking.
Speaker:Become Present.
Speaker:Find Peace."
Speaker:on this March 4th, 2025.
Speaker:Today's episode is from the inspiring book, "The Art of Letting Go" by Nick Trenton.
Speaker:In this book, Nick shares a powerful message about restoring inner peace and mastering the art of letting go.
Speaker:If you're always on edge and unable to relax, this book is for you!
Speaker:It's all about organizing the mess in your mind, controlling your thoughts and life, and rewiring anxious connections in your brain.
Speaker:Nick Trenton's book is available now on Amazon, and the audiobook can be found on Amazon, iTunes, and Audible.
Speaker:You can also visit Nick's website at bitly/NickTrenton for more insights and inspiration.
Speaker:Get ready to transform your internal worldview and start living the life you deserve!
Speaker:Many are all too familiar with that little nagging voice in their heads that seems to only spout criticism and negative thoughts.
Speaker:This internal monologue can take many different forms, from scolding one for a mistake one made to questioning why they can't seem to get their act together.
Speaker:Regardless of the specifics, this voice can be a constant source of frustration and anxiety.
Speaker:While it's true that everyone experiences this self-talk in their own unique way, it's important to recognize that it's a perfectly normal and common aspect of the human experience.
Speaker:By learning to better understand and manage one's inner critic, people can cultivate greater self-compassion, let go of negative ruminations, and approach the world with a healthier mindset.
Speaker:The concept of the inner critic is a widely recognized phenomenon in the field of psychology.
Speaker:It refers to the negative voice that many of us have in our heads that judges, shames, and criticizes us for our perceived flaws and shortcomings.
Speaker:This inner voice can be particularly loud during moments of vulnerability and can be a major barrier to personal growth and development.
Speaker:Cultural norms often reinforce the belief that feedback given in the form of criticism and guilt-inducing comments will motivate behavior.
Speaker:However, the idea that negative reinforcement leads to positive change has been disputed by experts.
Speaker:When someone is criticized, the result can often lead to increased feelings of shame, fear, and resentment (Baumeister, 1995) Although it can give individuals a sense of control, these types of comments can lead to a negative cycle of self-doubt and criticism.
Speaker:Even when people use these thoughts with themselves, it can further perpetuate their "inner critic" and leave them feeling stuck.
Speaker:It's important to recognize the detrimental effects of harsh criticism and instead strive for constructive feedback that leads to positive growth and development.
Speaker:Despite one’s best efforts, everyone has that little voice inside their heads that tells them they are not good enough—their inner critic.
Speaker:It's that nagging feeling that one is not smart enough, not talented enough, not thin enough, not successful enough, and so on.
Speaker:The inner critic can be harsh and unforgiving, and it can hold people back from achieving their goals and living their best lives.
Speaker:Whether it's comparing themselves to others or feeling like an imposter, the inner critic can be a constant source of anxiety and self-doubt.
Speaker:But the good news is that by recognizing and challenging one’s inner critic, people can learn to silence it and live more confident, fulfilling lives.
Speaker:When people receive communication from their brain that triggers feelings of shame and anxiety, their natural response is to avoid it.
Speaker:This avoidance may seem like a short-term solution to ease one’s discomfort and reduce anxiety.
Speaker:However, avoidant behavior does not lead to any positive change or motivation.
Speaker:Instead, it can manifest as procrastination, overeating, excessively watching TV, or constantly checking your phone.
Speaker:These behaviors can even go as far as avoiding the source of what is causing them discomfort, such as people, places, or activities.
Speaker:The key to moving past this avoidance cycle is to recognize it as a coping mechanism and to actively choose to engage with what makes us uncomfortable—only then can people truly motivate themselves to change.
Speaker:Shame can be a debilitating feeling that can leave one feeling alone and disconnected from others.
Speaker:Even receiving messages from others that shame, such as "you're not good enough," can make people feel like they don't deserve to be a part of a community.
Speaker:As social creatures, humans crave connection with others, but shame can physically make them want to withdraw and avoid interactions.
Speaker:This avoidance can lead to a vicious cycle of self-criticism and further avoidance behaviors, ultimately keeping them from taking care of themselves and finding comfort and motivation.
Speaker:This is exactly what happens when one’s inner critic decides to put one on blast.
Speaker:Learning to recognize and address these feelings of shame and self-criticism is essential for one’s overall well-being and ability to connect with others.
Speaker:One way to address the influence of the inner critic is to focus on the application of wisdom, strength, and love.
Speaker:This approach involves developing an awareness of the origins and impact of the inner critic and taking proactive steps to disengage from its negative influence.
Speaker:Wisdom refers to the ability to recognize the difference between the voice of the inner critic and one’s own true self.
Speaker:This involves developing the skill of mindfulness and learning to observe one’s thoughts without judgment.
Speaker:Through the practice of mindfulness, people can learn to recognize when the inner critic is present and begin to challenge its negative messages.
Speaker:Strength refers to the ability to stand up to the inner critic.
Speaker:This involves developing the capacity to recognize one’s own strengths and accomplishments and to take pride in one’s successes.
Speaker:By focusing on strengths, people can begin to counteract the negative influence of the inner critic and build their self-esteem.
Speaker:Love refers to the ability to be kind and compassionate toward oneself, even in the face of perceived flaws and shortcomings.
Speaker:This involves developing the practice of self-compassion—treating oneself with the same kindness, caring, and understanding that someone would offer to a good friend.
Speaker:By cultivating self-compassion, people can begin to counteract the harsh and critical voice of the inner critic and learn to accept themselves for who they are.
Speaker:To illustrate this approach, consider the example of a person who struggles with social anxiety.
Speaker:The inner critic may tell this person that they are not good enough, that others will judge them, and that they should avoid social situations altogether.
Speaker:By applying the principles of wisdom, strength, and love, this person can learn to recognize the voice of the inner critic and challenge its negative messages.
Speaker:They can focus on their strengths, such as their ability to connect with others or their sense of humour, and use these strengths to build their self-esteem.
Speaker:They can also cultivate self-compassion and be kind to themselves, even when they feel anxious or uncomfortable in social situations.
Speaker:In summary, the inner critic can be a major barrier to personal growth and development.
Speaker:By focusing on the principles of wisdom, strength, and love, people can learn to recognize the voice of the inner critic, challenge its negative messages, and cultivate a more positive and compassionate relationship with themselves.
Speaker:Steps to Let Go of Your Inner Critic
Speaker:62 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:12,800 Awareness is the first step toward identifying one’s inner critic and letting go of it.
Speaker:One of the first steps in overcoming the influence of the inner critic is to become aware of its presence and its impact on one’s thoughts and feelings.
Speaker:Many people are not even aware of the inner critic or its negative influence on their lives.
Speaker:Therefore, it is crucial to develop the skill of self-awareness and identify the voice of the inner critic when it arises.
Speaker:The next step is to identify the situation that may have triggered the inner critic.
Speaker:This could be a particular event, interaction with someone, or even a thought or memory.
Speaker:It is important to remember that the inner critic is often triggered by situations that are perceived as threatening or challenging.
Speaker:Once individuals have identified the situation, they can start to explore their authentic feelings about it.
Speaker:This is where the inner critic can be most helpful.
Speaker:By asking oneself, "What am I afraid of?
Speaker:What would it mean if that happened?
Speaker:And what would that mean?"
Speaker:people can begin to dig deeper and uncover their most vulnerable feelings about the situation.
Speaker:Often, the inner critic is trying to protect people from feeling these vulnerable emotions, such as fear, shame, or rejection.
Speaker:However, it is important to recognize that individuals can handle these emotions and that they are a natural part of the human experience.
Speaker:By allowing themselves the space to feel these emotions, people can start to let go of the protective mechanisms of the inner critic and develop a more positive and compassionate relationship with themselves.
Speaker:In summary, becoming aware of the presence and impact of the inner critic is the first step in overcoming its negative influence.
Speaker:By identifying the situations that trigger the inner critic and exploring one’s authentic feelings about them, people can begin to let go of the protective mechanisms of the inner critic and develop a more positive and compassionate relationship with themselves.
Speaker:Here's an example:
Speaker:82 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:30,120 Ian is a high school student who has always been passionate about playing basketball.
Speaker:However, he recently had a few bad games and missed several important shots.
Speaker:After one particularly rough game, he started to hear the voice of his inner critic saying, "You're not good enough.
Speaker:You'll never be good enough.
Speaker:You're letting down your team and your coach."
Speaker:What is he afraid of?
Speaker:Ian is afraid of failing and letting down his team and coach.
Speaker:He may also be afraid of not being good enough to achieve his dreams of playing college basketball or beyond.
Speaker:What authentic feelings might he be having about this situation that aren’t related to shame triggers?
Speaker:What are his vulnerabilities?
Speaker:(Identify your vulnerability and feel those feelings.)
Speaker:Ian says, "I feel disappointed, frustrated, and overwhelmed.
Speaker:Basketball has always been important to me, and I don't know what I would do if I wasn't good at it.
Speaker:I also feel pressure to live up to my own expectations and those of others."
Speaker:What does he really need?
Speaker:Ian says, "I need to remember why I love basketball and focus on improving my skills rather than just winning.
Speaker:I also need to give myself permission to make mistakes and learn from them.
Speaker:And most importantly, I need to be kind and compassionate toward myself, even when I don't meet my own expectations."
Speaker:Here individuals need to ask themselves “What are some self-criticisms that you are aware of hearing yourself say?
Speaker:What self-criticisms are you aware of hearing yourself express?” By identifying these negative thoughts using the second-person perspective, people can begin to challenge their validity and develop a more positive and compassionate relationship with themselves.
Speaker:For example, one self-criticism that someone may be aware of hearing themselves say is "I am not good enough" or “I am not worthy of love.” This negative thought can be particularly damaging because it can impact many different areas of a person's life, from their relationships to their career to their personal goals.
Speaker:Another self-criticism may be, "I always mess things up."
Speaker:This negative thought can lead to feelings of hopelessness and a sense of being stuck in a cycle of failure and disappointment.
Speaker:Another example of a self-criticism that someone may be aware of hearing themselves express is "I am such a coward.
Speaker:I am contemptible and useless.
Speaker:Be cautious, or you will get injured.
Speaker:I must exert more effort."
Speaker:This negative self-talk using first-person pronouns can be particularly damaging because it not only criticizes the person's actions but also attacks their character and worth as a person.
Speaker:Now consider the below example:
Speaker:112 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:54,360 Janine has a tendency to engage in negative self-talk, and often criticizes herself for her perceived shortcomings.
Speaker:For instance, when she makes a mistake at work, she might say to herself, "I'm so stupid.
Speaker:I can't believe I messed up again.
Speaker:I'm never going to be successful at my job."
Speaker:By using the second-person perspective, Janine could reframe her self-criticism into more compassionate and supportive self-talk.
Speaker:For example, instead of saying "I'm so stupid," she could say "You made a mistake, but everyone makes mistakes.
Speaker:It's okay to not be perfect."
Speaker:This way, Janine is speaking to herself in a kind and empathetic manner, rather than being harsh and critical.
Speaker:By practicing this type of self-talk, she can develop greater self-compassion and improve her emotional well-being.
Speaker:She may also find that she is better able to cope with setbacks and challenges, as she is not being held back by negative self-judgment.
Speaker:Next, individuals need to connect with that sentiment.
Speaker:Fear is a natural emotion that can be triggered by any number of scenarios.
Speaker:Whether it's a fear of spiders, heights, or public speaking, there’s always something that sends shivers down one’s spine.
Speaker:But people seldom ever stop to consider what lies beyond the fear itself.
Speaker:When people experience fears or anxieties, it can often be accompanied by a host of other genuine emotions, such as sadness, frustration, or even anger.
Speaker:It's important to recognize these emotions as separate from any potential shame triggers, and to give oneself the space and understanding to work through them.
Speaker:By acknowledging and connecting with these emotions, people can better understand the root of their fears and take steps toward overcoming them and letting them go.
Speaker:Many people have a tendency to be self-critical, often saying hurtful things to themselves like "You're such a coward" or "You're worthless."
Speaker:But how does it feel to hear those things?
Speaker:Take a moment to really tap into those emotions—“What are you afraid of, and what authentic feelings are you experiencing that aren't related to shame triggers?” It's important to recognize that there are opposing feelings as well, and reactions to these self-criticisms.
Speaker:So, what do you say to that voice that tells you you're useless?
Speaker:It's time to start reframing those negative self-talk patterns and instead focus on more positive and uplifting thoughts.
Speaker:Hearing these self-criticisms may evoke negative emotions such as shame, guilt, or anger.
Speaker:By getting in touch with these feelings, someone can begin to explore what may be triggering their negative self-talk.
Speaker:They may be afraid of feeling vulnerable or exposed, or they may fear the consequences of not living up to their own or others' expectations.
Speaker:Some authentic feelings they may be having about this situation that aren't related to shame triggers might include frustration, disappointment, or a sense of being overwhelmed.
Speaker:They may feel like they are not making progress toward their goals or that they are not living up to their potential.
Speaker:Some opposite feelings may include self-compassion, self-acceptance, and self-love.
Speaker:These feelings can be nurtured by focusing on positive affirmations and building a sense of self-worth based on one's strengths and accomplishments.
Speaker:Reactions to these opposite feelings may include feeling more motivated and inspired to take positive steps toward their goals.
Speaker:They may feel more confident in their abilities and more willing to take risks and try new things.
Speaker:When that voice says they are useless, they can respond by challenging that thought and replacing it with a more positive and affirming message.
Speaker:For example, they could say "I am not useless.
Speaker:I have many strengths and accomplishments that make me a valuable person."
Speaker:By practicing positive self-talk and affirmations, they can begin to shift their internal dialogue toward a more positive and compassionate voice.
Speaker:Express empathy for the inner critic’s fear and out-of-control feelings.
Speaker:When people hear their inner critic start to criticize them or cause them to spiral into negative thought patterns, it's easy to get lost in those emotions.
Speaker:However, it's important to remember that the inner critic is often trying to protect them from past hurts and rejections.
Speaker:When individuals show empathy toward their inner critic, they can acknowledge its fears and out-of-control feelings without allowing them to take over.
Speaker:By saying things like "I understand where you're coming from" or "I know you're doing this to protect me," people can separate themselves from the negative thoughts and shift their focus toward self-compassion.
Speaker:Though it may take practice and patience, expressing empathy toward the inner critic can help people break free from those harmful thought patterns and move toward a more positive and confident mindset.
Speaker:When one expresses their reaction to their inner critic's negative self-talk, they take an active step toward breaking free from its grip on their thoughts and emotions.
Speaker:By acknowledging that the critical voice is not helpful and requesting that it stop, they begin to take control of their inner dialogue.
Speaker:It is important to remind oneself that they will be okay and able to cope with whatever happens.
Speaker:This helps to counteract the fear and anxiety that the inner critic often instills.
Speaker:By emphasizing the fact that they do not need to be afraid, they empower themselves to take action and move forward.
Speaker:For example, if one is feeling anxious or overwhelmed, they might say to themselves, "It's understandable that you're feeling this way.
Speaker:These feelings are valid and important."
Speaker:Express your reaction.
Speaker:Finally, it is essential to recognize and address one's genuine needs.
Speaker:In this case, the need to feel connected to others.
Speaker:By reminding themselves of this need, they can focus their attention on building meaningful relationships and connections with others.
Speaker:This can help them feel less isolated and more supported, which can, in turn, reduce the power of the inner critic's negative self-talk.
Speaker:Consider the following example that illustrates all the steps of letting go of one’s inner critic:
Speaker:167 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:12,000 Let's take the example of Jess, who has been struggling with anxiety and negative self-talk from her inner critic.
Speaker:Jess often feels overwhelmed and nervous, and her inner critic tends to tell her that she is not good enough, that she will fail, and that she should avoid taking risks.
Speaker:To start, Jess becomes aware of her negative self-talk and recognizes that it is coming from her inner critic.
Speaker:She begins to pay attention to her thoughts and feelings, noticing when the critical voice starts to chime in.
Speaker:She also takes note of the situations or triggers that tend to set off her inner critic, such as social situations or work-related tasks.
Speaker:Next, Jess takes a moment to connect with her emotions and determine her genuine feelings toward these situations.
Speaker:She recognizes that her fear of failure is a big driver behind her inner critic's negative self-talk.
Speaker:She also realizes that what she really needs is to feel more confident and supported, rather than constantly questioning herself and doubting her abilities.
Speaker:With this in mind, Jess begins to speak to her inner critic using third-person pronouns.
Speaker:She expresses empathy for her inner critic's fear and anxiety by saying something like, "I know you're feeling scared and unsure right now, but I'm here to tell you that I'm okay.
Speaker:I'm capable of handling whatever comes my way."
Speaker:She then expresses her reaction to the negative self-talk by saying something like, "Your critical voice is not helping me right now.
Speaker:It's preventing me from feeling confident and connected to others.
Speaker:I need you to stop talking to me this way."
Speaker:Finally, Jess reminds herself of what she truly needs by expressing herself.
Speaker:"What I really need is to feel supported and connected to others.
Speaker:I don't have to be afraid of failing or making mistakes.
Speaker:I'm worthy of love and acceptance just as I am."
Speaker:By speaking to her inner critic in this way, Jess is taking an active step toward breaking free from its grip on her thoughts and emotions.
Speaker:She is acknowledging her genuine needs and working to counteract the fear and anxiety that her inner critic tends to instill.
Speaker:Over time, with practice, Jess can learn to cultivate a more positive and supportive inner dialogue, one that helps her feel more confident, capable, and connected to others.
Speaker:• The notion of the inner critic is a well-known concept in psychology that pertains to the pessimistic voice that often exists within our minds.
Speaker:This voice evaluates, disapproves, and rebukes us for our perceived deficiencies and limitations.
Speaker:Are you tired of your mind being the noisiest place in the world?
Speaker:Do you find yourself constantly overthinking, unable to relax and live life at your own pace?
Speaker:Well, the good news is that you have a choice.
Speaker:You can control your thoughts, life, and happiness.
Speaker:In his book, The Art of Letting Go, Nick Trenton guides you through the process of organizing the mess in your mind.
Speaker:He teaches you how to stop focusing on the past that's over or the future that may never occur, and instead be present in the situations that you can actually have agency in.
Speaker:Nick explains how our brains are made for 10000 BC and that we can afford to let our guard down.
Speaker:He also delves into trusting that things will be okay, controlling your self-talk, and transforming your internal worldview.
Speaker:This is a must-read for anyone looking to restore their inner peace and find tranquility in the chaos of life.
Speaker:And the best part?
Speaker:You can get your hands on this amazing book right now.
Speaker:It's available on Amazon, with an audiobook version also available on Amazon, iTunes, and Audible.
Speaker:So, what are you waiting for?
Speaker:Head over to bitly slash Nick Trenton to visit the author's website, and start your journey towards a calmer, more peaceful life today!
Speaker:That's all for today's episode of The Path to Calm - "Stop Overthinking, Become Present, Find Peace."
Speaker:Until next time, take care and keep calm!
