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It’S All In The Perspective: Being Proactive Versus Reactive AudioChapter from The Overthinking Cure AudioBook by Nick Trenton
The Overthinking Cure: How to Stay in the Present, Shake Negativity, and Stop Your Stress and Anxiety (Mental and Emotional Abundance Book 3) By: Nick Trenton
00:06:22 Drop Blaming and Complaining
00:09:50 The Key to Calm, Focused Flexibility
00:11:51 Nip “If Only” in the Bud
00:14:01 No More Blaming or Complaining
00:15:20 No More Reacting, Only Responding
00:16:17 No More Daydreaming, No More Excuses
00:17:58 Create Perspective by Creating Mental Distance
00:19:49 Introspection is Not Mind Chatter
00:22:44 Kinds of Distance—And How to Create Them
00:26:24 Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create Distance
00:27:26 Advise a Friend
00:28:41 Picture Another Version of Yourself
00:29:50 Reframe Perceptions
Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/OverthinkingCureTrenton
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09JMNMD71
Your mind doesn't have to be a minefield. Constant chatter is unhealthy; find a better way and see a brighter life.
A distracted and non-present mind is the biggest cause of unhappiness. It prevents us from seeing what possibilities lie before us. Life turns into a minefield rather than a set of new opportunities.
The key to a happy life is your internal dialogue. Remain your own master.
The Overthinking Cure is a book that understands where you’ve been through,the exhausting situation you’ve put yourself into, and how you lose your mind in the trap of anxiety and stress. Acclaimed author Nick Trenton will walk you through the obstacles with detailed and proven techniques to help you rewire your brain, control your thoughts, and change your mental habits.
What’s more, the book will provide you scientific approaches to completely change the way you think and feel about yourself by ending the vicious thought patterns.
Keep your thoughts from spiraling out of control.
Nick Trenton grew up in rural Illinois and is quite literally a farm boy. His best friend growing up was his trusty companion Leonard the dachshund. RIP Leonard. Eventually, he made it off the farm and obtained a BS in Economics, followed by an MA in Behavioral Psychology.
A day without worry, rumination, or anxiety. That could be yours.
-Simple ways to shift your perspective to positivity and opportunity
-The anti-anxiety superweapon of going META
-A new approach on how to destroy the toxic habit of rumination
-How to change your world one cognitive distortion at a time
-Seeing the world in shades of grey - and not black and white
Psychologically-proven tips to get out of your head and into your life.
No more self-deprecating talk. No more sleepless nights with racing thoughts. Free your mind from overthinking and achieve more, feel better, and unleash your potential. Finally be able to live in the present moment.
#RussellNewton #NewtonMG #TheOverthinkingCure #It’SAllInThePerspective:BeingProactiveVersusReactiveNickTrenton
Transcript
Mental models, 30 thinking tools that separate the average from the exceptional, improved
Speaker:decision making, logical analysis and problem solving, written by Peter Hollins, narrated
Speaker:by Russell Newton, copyright 2019 by Peter Hollins, production copyright by Peter Hollins.
Speaker:Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it, John Maxwell.
Speaker:People who are cool, calm and collected just have something about them.
Speaker:What is this X factor that lets them remain so composed and in control themselves?
Speaker:While overly anxious people flap around and freak out, calm people seem to be inhabiting
Speaker:an entirely different mindset.
Speaker:Let's begin this book by looking more closely at exactly what this mindset is and how you
Speaker:can go about cultivating it in yourself.
Speaker:Here's an interesting question.
Speaker:Who's in control of your life?
Speaker:There are two main answers.
Speaker:Either you see something or someone else as responsible for what happens to you, or you
Speaker:see yourself as the primary agent, mainly responsible for how your life plays out.
Speaker:Active people are those who in essence do not depend on the environment to guide and
Speaker:shape their life, but rather take active responsibility and do things on their own.
Speaker:They focus on their scope of action, on what they want, and on how they can bring those
Speaker:things about.
Speaker:Naturally, their attitude puts them in a frame of mind that focuses on solving problems and
Speaker:seeking opportunities.
Speaker:Broadly, when it comes to their life path, they are the ones calling the shots.
Speaker:Compare this to the opposite, someone who is reactive.
Speaker:As the name suggests, this is a person who acts only as a response to other people's
Speaker:actions or according to the environment and less from their own innate agency and desire.
Speaker:This is a more passive, more conditional, and more dependent position.
Speaker:It's more about what you should do or are being made to do than what you genuinely want
Speaker:to do.
Speaker:Blame, indecisiveness, victimhood, people pleasing, powerlessness, and lack of responsibility
Speaker:all belong to this mindset, as well as the belief that other people can make you feel
Speaker:certain emotions or force you to do something.
Speaker:Now, I know what you're thinking.
Speaker:Surely, it's impossible to be truly proactive.
Speaker:Overall, none of us is 100% in control of our lives.
Speaker:This is true.
Speaker:Being proactive, however, doesn't necessarily mean you always get your way.
Speaker:Rather, it's an orientation of mind and an attitude that says, I can learn from mistakes,
Speaker:I can use my potential, I can try something new.
Speaker:In fact, a proactive person is also able to recognize when they don't actually have an
Speaker:influence over outcomes, and they can comfortably relinquish control.
Speaker:So it's not that being proactive means you're entitled and enabled to make the world exactly
Speaker:as you like it.
Speaker:Rather that you have conscious awareness of your own scope of action, you have an internal
Speaker:locus of control, and you are willing to actively engage with obstacles and mistakes rather
Speaker:than passively assuming you have no control or responsibility.
Speaker:It's not really the outcome or result that matters, but the attitude.
Speaker:Because a proactive person knows that they're in charge of their actions, their feelings
Speaker:and their inner interpretations, they make efforts to create situations that actually
Speaker:align with their values.
Speaker:A reactive person quietly hopes that things will align for them, or that others will help
Speaker:them, or else they quietly resent when this doesn't happen or resort to blame.
Speaker:Proactive people consciously create the conditions they desire, and they know that they are the
Speaker:only ones who are empowered to do so.
Speaker:This takes a degree of mindful awareness, honesty, and courage.
Speaker:It also means they have to be mature enough to shoulder some risk.
Speaker:If they fail, they know that only they are responsible, and can blame nobody.
Speaker:Let's return to the question, who's in control of your life?
Speaker:Well, it depends on you.
Speaker:You can choose to be in control of your own life, or you can forfeit that choice to others.
Speaker:The thing is, nobody can force you to take charge of your own life.
Speaker:You either embrace that agency, or you fail to embrace it.
Speaker:Now, what does all this have to do with cultivating an attitude of inner calm?
Speaker:As you can probably guess, those who are calm and composed, as people, tend to act from
Speaker:a proactive mindset.
Speaker:They feel calm because they are self-assured and confident in their own agency.
Speaker:They're not anxious in situations because they know that someone is in control, them.
Speaker:Because they've fully claimed their agency, they know that they always have options, they
Speaker:can always become aware of them and make conscious choices, and they can always make the best
Speaker:of even the worst possible outcomes.
Speaker:When you are reactive, you have no such inner security, you're waiting for others to determine
Speaker:your fate, or sitting ineptly and complaining about what they chose for you.
Speaker:This is an innately anxious position, you're at the mercy of other people's actions.
Speaker:What could be more stressful than that?
Speaker:Because you doubt or ignore your own ability to take responsibility or find solutions, you
Speaker:may feel that there really aren't any solutions until someone or something else comes and
Speaker:provides them.
Speaker:Instead of feeling competent and filled with optimistic hope, you're naturally pessimistic,
Speaker:always on guard for the next bit of trouble.
Speaker:So if we want to be genuinely calmer and more relaxed people, how can we start moving toward
Speaker:the proactive rather than the reactive mindset?
Speaker:Drop blaming and complaining.
Speaker:Reactive.
Speaker:Look at all these things and people and situations that aren't the way I want them to be.
Speaker:Proactive.
Speaker:What is the way that I want things to be, and how am I going to make that happen?
Speaker:When you complain, you're putting yourself in reactive mode, you're communicating to
Speaker:yourself and others that you are not responsible, and you relinquish your agency in favor of
Speaker:someone else's.
Speaker:One way to be more proactive is to get positively ruthless with the bad habit of complaining.
Speaker:Nothing good ever comes of complaining.
Speaker:You may think you feel a bit better after whining about something you're unhappy with,
Speaker:but all you do is disempower yourself further and probably bore others.
Speaker:This takes a bit of awareness.
Speaker:Be honest, if you notice yourself ranting and moaning about things, and just stop dead
Speaker:in your tracks, then ask yourself one important question.
Speaker:What action can I take here?
Speaker:This puts you in active, problem-solving mode.
Speaker:Stop waiting for someone to come and save you.
Speaker:Think of ways to help yourself.
Speaker:If you can act, then act.
Speaker:If you don't like something, have the courage to change it or remove yourself from the situation.
Speaker:Think of it this way.
Speaker:Not acting is also a choice.
Speaker:And if you remain in a situation you don't like, what does that say?
Speaker:If you can't act, well, then you can still proactively choose your attitude.
Speaker:You can choose not to respond at all.
Speaker:Because you find a situation uncomfortable, it doesn't mean you have to complain, or worse,
Speaker:look for someone to blame.
Speaker:How you react to circumstances is far, far more important than the circumstances themselves.
Speaker:You might not be able to take conscious action or do much about a situation, but you still
Speaker:have plenty of power over what you focus on, how you interpret the situation, the attitude
Speaker:you commit to having the words you say and the way you respond.
Speaker:You always have options.
Speaker:When you complain, however, you shut your eyes to those options and get stuck on the fact
Speaker:of your discomfort or annoyance.
Speaker:Blame is harmful for the same reason.
Speaker:Why hand your power over to someone else?
Speaker:Blame in the victim role may feel good in the short term, but when we complain about
Speaker:how others act, we're forgetting one crucial piece of information.
Speaker:We too have the option to act.
Speaker:Blame can sometimes come from unconscious expectations or a feeling of entitlement.
Speaker:If you catch yourself blaming someone, it's time to get honest.
Speaker:Are you expecting them to take charge of a problem that's not really theirs to fix?
Speaker:If they are genuinely in the wrong, it happens, then ask yourself this.
Speaker:Does your being angry and indignant get you any closer to what you really want?
Speaker:It can be very freeing to realize that we don't have to control others to get them to
Speaker:behave in the ways we want.
Speaker:We can act directly ourselves for ourselves.
Speaker:This instantly releases anxiety and self-doubt and helps us feel calm.
Speaker:The key to calm, focused flexibility?
Speaker:Be responsive, not reactive.
Speaker:Reactive.
Speaker:Change is scary and threatening, so I'd better hunker down and ward it off.
Speaker:Proactive?
Speaker:I trust myself to engage with changed productivity and welcome the ways it can help me evolve.
Speaker:As we said, you always have options.
Speaker:True, sometimes you don't have very many, or you might not like the ones you have, but
Speaker:you're never a victim to circumstance and can always step up and take responsibility
Speaker:for your experience.
Speaker:Whether proactive or reactive, change will come.
Speaker:Life is filled with change, but we can adopt different postures to this change.
Speaker:When we respond, not react, we engage dynamically and consciously with people in things around
Speaker:us.
Speaker:We answer life according to our own values and principles, and have a conversation with
Speaker:elements in our environment, rather than taking orders from it like a slave or shutting
Speaker:it out completely.
Speaker:The old saying goes, brittle things break before they bend.
Speaker:Just because you know who you are and take sure conscious steps to making your own life,
Speaker:it doesn't mean you're rigid or uncompromising, in fact, you are a pro at adjusting and adapting.
Speaker:You evolve, you try things, you fail, you change your strategy and try again.
Speaker:You're curious about the new, not fearful of it.
Speaker:This is what allows you to grow and improve.
Speaker:It's not that you're a control freak, but rather you're always aware of the fact that
Speaker:you have a choice.
Speaker:Instead of fearfully clinging to what you know, you embrace novelty, explore, create,
Speaker:and take risks.
Speaker:The irony is that it's this way of living that's actually easier and less anxiety-provoking.
Speaker:Type, if only, in the bud.
Speaker:Reactive.
Speaker:One day, I'm going to XYZ, if such and such happens, and then maybe, and then I hope, proactive.
Speaker:I'm taking steps toward the things I want to create for myself right now.
Speaker:Reality is often characterized by overthinking, rumination, and endless, pointless, what-if
Speaker:thoughts.
Speaker:In the reactive mindset, we dwell in the same space.
Speaker:We say things like, if I had a little more cash right now, then if I had a better family
Speaker:upbringing, one day I'll finally start my big dream.
Speaker:Just as soon as this winter is over, I think I'm going to, really, these are nothing more
Speaker:than flimsy excuses and daydreams that go precisely nowhere.
Speaker:It's mental activity that never materializes into anything valuable in the real world,
Speaker:and that's a few short steps away from anxiety and worry.
Speaker:Commit to not using if or one day in this way.
Speaker:If you're honest, you'll see that behind this language is often procrastination, fear, avoidance,
Speaker:or the quiet hope that someone else is going to rush in one day and rescue your life for
Speaker:you.
Speaker:Obviously, nobody's suggesting that you abandon making big dreams for yourself.
Speaker:However, if you're engaging in daydreaming instead of taking active steps in life to
Speaker:create what you want, you're doing yourself a disservice.
Speaker:Dreams and blue sky thinking are there to inspire and fuel purposeful action.
Speaker:Without action, they're just pleasant stories you tell yourself that leave you in exactly
Speaker:the same position as you started.
Speaker:In that spirit, let's condense some of this down into practical steps we can take right
Speaker:now.
Speaker:No more blaming or complaining, whining about the weather, gossiping about that person at
Speaker:work who annoys you, listing a family member's faults to another family member, going on
Speaker:a ten minute rant to a friend about how mad you are to get that speeding fine you didn't
Speaker:deserve and on and on.
Speaker:We all do it.
Speaker:The first step is to become aware.
Speaker:Whenever you notice yourself complaining or blaming someone, literally imagine a giant
Speaker:red stop sign in your mind's eye and tell yourself to stop.
Speaker:Create a moment of space.
Speaker:In that space, become aware of the fact that you have a choice, then choose to answer this
Speaker:question.
Speaker:What action can I take?
Speaker:Breathe deeply and carry on, feeling how much calmer and in control you feel.
Speaker:You could keep a complaint journal where you record all your misgivings, but under the
Speaker:condition that everything that you write down in there must be addressed at the end of the
Speaker:day.
Speaker:By the following, you need to take one concrete action toward resolving the issue.
Speaker:You'll soon train yourself to see how pointless complaining is and empower yourself in the
Speaker:process.
Speaker:No more reacting, only responding.
Speaker:Actively noticing what causes you to feel anxious or out of control.
Speaker:Pause and write these down somewhere.
Speaker:For example, I might lose my job at the end of the year.
Speaker:Once you put your fears down on paper, look at them and acknowledge them.
Speaker:How do you feel about them?
Speaker:But then take action.
Speaker:Underneath that, write down as many options and opportunities you can identify.
Speaker:If you find yourself focusing on something else that worries or frightens you, write
Speaker:it on a separate page and repeat the process, finding potential options for this worry too.
Speaker:You'll find that deliberately training your mind toward choices and potential solutions
Speaker:actually calms you down, empowers you, and maybe even gets you excited for new ventures.
Speaker:No more daydreaming, no more excuses.
Speaker:Tell yourself that daydreaming is simply not as exciting or as interesting as actually
Speaker:getting on with building the life you want.
Speaker:Again, begin with awareness and notice the language you use and how you speak about your
Speaker:life.
Speaker:Notice if you often say the following kinds of things to yourself.
Speaker:I'd love to be a masseuse, but I just don't have any training or anything.
Speaker:Wow, I'd love to live in a house like that one day, if only.
Speaker:I wish I hadn't given up horse-riding when I was a child.
Speaker:You'll recognize these statements because they're so passive and reactive.
Speaker:If you find yourself saying things like these, stop, slow down, and take a closer look.
Speaker:How can you transform these excuses, daydreams, and regrets into beneficial action right now?
Speaker:Maybe you could investigate just exactly what it would take to learn to be a masseuse, or
Speaker:you could look in earnest into how to make your dream home a reality.
Speaker:Maybe you could book to have an out-ride that very weekend.
Speaker:Often we speak like this not because we genuinely are out of options, but just because we've
Speaker:convinced ourselves that that's the case.
Speaker:How many anxieties, regrets, fears, and resentments would disappear overnight if people took them
Speaker:out into the light, blew the dust off them, and took concrete action to bring about what
Speaker:they desired?
Speaker:That perspective by creating mental distance.
Speaker:So we can encourage a relaxed, proactive mindset in ourselves by refusing to let complaining,
Speaker:reactivity, and daydreaming get in the way of what matters most, taking action toward
Speaker:our goals.
Speaker:There is another key way in which a calm and relaxed attitude goes hand-in-hand with the
Speaker:right psychological perspective, mental distance.
Speaker:In the above section on proactiveness, we saw that being able to choose and to take
Speaker:control can only actually happen when we are sufficiently aware of what we're doing.
Speaker:If we're lost in emotions, triggered, and stuck in knee-jerk automatic reactions, then
Speaker:we're reactive.
Speaker:To be proactive, we need a little space from that engulfing emotion.
Speaker:We need to take a step back, and from there, gain a clear picture of what we're doing
Speaker:and what our options are, and what to do next.
Speaker:Anxious equals trapped or bogged down in strong emotion.
Speaker:Calm equals able to step above and outside of that emotion.
Speaker:In fact, you can almost say that the degree of anxiety you experience around an issue
Speaker:is directly proportional to how close you are to it.
Speaker:Stepping outside of yourself and your emotions for a moment and taking a look at the issue
Speaker:from a distance can not only help you solve the problem, it can make the whole thing seem
Speaker:like less of an emergency.
Speaker:Then once you're calm, you can take more relaxed, conscious action instead of being reactive.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:So how do we create this sense of psychological distance?
Speaker:Does this mean numbing ourselves out to emotions or getting all cold and clinical in our lives
Speaker:as we look down at everything from the clouds?
Speaker:Thankfully, no.
Speaker:Everyone is not mind chatter.
Speaker:Before we go on, it's worth noting what psychological distance isn't.
Speaker:Our inner voice can be a great ally, helping us analyze, reflect, weigh options, interpret,
Speaker:remember and plan.
Speaker:But I probably don't need to tell you that not all self-talk is beneficial.
Speaker:Mental chatter is useless and simply creates more anxiety.
Speaker:You'll know it's mental chatter when it goes round and round in a loop that never stops.
Speaker:It's often negative or pessimistic.
Speaker:It prevents you from solving problems rather than helps you.
Speaker:It makes you feel distracted and disconnected.
Speaker:It's based in the past or future and not in the present.
Speaker:Most crucially, it increases anxiety while decreasing beneficial action.
Speaker:On the above list, you can probably see that the experience of anxiety and the action of
Speaker:negative self-talk are essentially one and the same.
Speaker:Many of us attempt to gain psychological distance only to find we're doing more of the same
Speaker:mental chatter that only makes us anxious.
Speaker:So let's now turn to another question, what we are attempting to distance from.
Speaker:Mental chatter, anxiety and a loss of conscious awareness can swallow up our feeling of self-control
Speaker:and agency.
Speaker:The more unaware we are of what is happening to us, the less we're able to take charge
Speaker:of the situation, i.e. we can only be reactive and not proactive.
Speaker:Mental distance is one way we can separate ourselves from strong emotions and the content
Speaker:of our mental chatter so we can begin to ask, wait a second, what is this?
Speaker:What am I doing here?
Speaker:Without mental distance, we just take our own narratives as gospel and fail to see any
Speaker:way out.
Speaker:On the one hand, we have anxiety, narrowing of awareness, loss of agency.
Speaker:On the other hand, we have calmness, broadening of awareness, control and responsibility.
Speaker:Panic and fear shrink our perspective and rob us of the ability to choose the best for
Speaker:ourselves, whereas conscious awareness opens our field of view and lets us make healthier
Speaker:choices.
Speaker:Sounds great, but the trouble is of course to find a way into that awareness and broadness
Speaker:of vision when you're stuck in the middle of an intense emotion.
Speaker:Not easy to do, in fact, you've probably noticed that it's much easier to see other
Speaker:people's blind spots than it is your own.
Speaker:You have distance and perspective, they're too close to see what you can see.
Speaker:Thankfully, it is possible to learn to create mental distance in ourselves even in the midst
Speaker:of moments that have us losing our heads.
Speaker:Kines of distance and how to create them.
Speaker:There are many ways to get wrapped up in a strong and engrossing situation.
Speaker:Imagine you're upset after having a fight with your partner.
Speaker:Your body is filled with stress hormones and your heart is pounding, your head is racing
Speaker:with thoughts and you feel chaotic and disorganized.
Speaker:Your feelings are all over the place and all you can focus on is how hurt and alarmed you
Speaker:feel.
Speaker:Okay, now what?
Speaker:The first type of distance you can help yourself create is spatial, i.e. distance in space.
Speaker:This is obvious, you're upset and overwhelmed in your shared home, so leaving the house
Speaker:for a while and taking a walk can give you the shift in perspective you need.
Speaker:But you can also achieve the same result by just changing the room you're in, your proximity
Speaker:to a person or your bodily position, for example, stand up if you're slouching.
Speaker:You could simply imagine a different location and see how this changes your view on things.
Speaker:You could also gain social distance.
Speaker:This is a more abstract distance between yourself and another person or people.
Speaker:So even if you stayed with your partner in the same home temporarily, you might find yourself
Speaker:gaining a sense of distance by formally breaking up, for example.
Speaker:Temporal distance is distance in time.
Speaker:When we're feeling reactive, anxious, or overwhelmed by strong emotion, time seems to stop and
Speaker:lose the ability to clearly think about the future clearly.
Speaker:But if you can slow down and remind yourself of the future consequences or remember that
Speaker:the present moment is not going to last forever, you give yourself some breathing room in time.
Speaker:In our example, you could actively tell yourself, I'm upset right now, but I'll sleep on it
Speaker:and I know I'll be thinking more clearly tomorrow morning.
Speaker:This broadens perspective and brings some calm.
Speaker:Finally, hypothetical distance is simply the space we make for ourselves when we imagine
Speaker:that the situation in front of us could possibly be different.
Speaker:This is a big deal.
Speaker:If we can simply acknowledge that there is an option to experience something different
Speaker:than what we're currently experiencing, we're no longer trapped in a moment and can start
Speaker:to think of alternatives, solutions, or creative ways forward.
Speaker:For our example, perhaps you're standing there having a loud shouting match with your partner
Speaker:when you suddenly realize, wait, it doesn't have to be this way.
Speaker:Maybe I could deal with this argument in a different way than I usually do.
Speaker:Maybe I could calmly remove myself and take a few deep breaths.
Speaker:This puts you straight into a proactive mindset and will dramatically lower your anxiety.
Speaker:In a way, all distance is created on the back of the realization that the current situation
Speaker:could be different than it is and you can make it different.
Speaker:Having perspective on a problem and viewing it from a distance doesn't magically make
Speaker:problems go away or difficult feelings vanish, but it does allow you to temporarily get bigger
Speaker:than those problems rather than have them overwhelm and swallow you.
Speaker:The problem remains the same, but when you can see it from different angles and when
Speaker:you can retain a degree of awareness, you'll instantly feel calmer about it and with this
Speaker:calm you can access more options.
Speaker:Use the power of your imagination to create distance.
Speaker:What unfolds in any moment is automatically interpreted by us.
Speaker:We tell a story about it, but we can tell a different story.
Speaker:If you're in an immediately overwhelming situation, like having a fight with your partner, you
Speaker:may need to quickly create a bit of distance in the moment, but once you've cooled off,
Speaker:you're still left facing the problem.
Speaker:You could diffuse strong emotions in the short term, but once the dust settles, we will still
Speaker:need to tackle the underlying problem with patience and focus.
Speaker:In this case, it's worth sitting down and deliberately working through the problem alone,
Speaker:where you can introduce some helpful distance.
Speaker:A journal is the perfect way to do this.
Speaker:Some people even enjoy talking to a pet rock or recording their voice.
Speaker:Sit down where you won't be disturbed for a while and try some of the following techniques.
Speaker:It's easy to see what the best course of action is when it's somebody else's problem.
Speaker:Take the time to imagine that your problem is actually happening to a close friend of
Speaker:yours and not you.
Speaker:Pull out all your ego and assumptions and resistances and excuses and just look at the
Speaker:plain facts of the story.
Speaker:You might like to write out a brief summary paragraph of the problem as you see it, then
Speaker:put little quote marks around the paragraph and literally imagine that those same words
Speaker:were coming from the mouth of someone you care about.
Speaker:What's your response?
Speaker:How would you advise them?
Speaker:This seems too simple to work, but it can be useful because we're often impeded from
Speaker:making decisions or acting wisely because denial, fear or excuses get in the way.
Speaker:We imagine that our problems are super complicated and we may not notice ourselves ignoring certain
Speaker:features of a situation or twisting others until we imagine it from someone else's perspective.
Speaker:Sometimes doing this can be relieving in itself because you suddenly realize your problem
Speaker:isn't as big as you thought it was.
Speaker:Picture another version of yourself.
Speaker:Granted, the above technique may not always work and you may genuinely have a complicated
Speaker:case on your hands.
Speaker:If so, try another technique where you imagine what you think of the problem but from the
Speaker:future.
Speaker:Imagine your future self gives you a different perspective and reminds you that what is happening
Speaker:right now is not what is always going to be happening.
Speaker:Turn your mind to consequences and likely outcomes.
Speaker:After the sting of any strong emotions have worn off, think about what your future self
Speaker:will want.
Speaker:If you can, think about similar decisions and problems you've had in the past but add
Speaker:a temporal element to them.
Speaker:Maybe when you zoom out, you notice that you always do X, Y, Z and then regret it a few
Speaker:weeks later.
Speaker:By factoring in your future self, you weigh up the present more accurately.
Speaker:At the very least, you can breathe a sigh of relief by simply knowing that the present
Speaker:problem is unlikely to continue unchanged forever.
Speaker:Reframe perceptions.
Speaker:During meditation or mindfulness practice, you train yourself to recognize your thoughts
Speaker:as thoughts and your feelings as feelings.
Speaker:You see them come and you see them go and practice not attaching to them but merely having awareness
Speaker:of their constant flow.
Speaker:You don't need to practice meditation to learn to do this though.
Speaker:Get into the habit of simply noticing sensations and perceptions.
Speaker:My heart's beating really fast right now.
Speaker:I feel disappointed that she said that.
Speaker:I'm scared and I hate what's happening.
Speaker:Importantly, just notice these things without arguing, interpreting, analyzing, praising
Speaker:or judging them.
Speaker:You don't have to accept them either.
Speaker:Just see that they're there and that's that.
Speaker:Once you do, you can start to see that it's your choice how you frame and interpret those
Speaker:neutral sensations.
Speaker:For example, my heart is beating fast.
Speaker:I must be nervous.
Speaker:I shouldn't be nervous.
Speaker:I've done this a thousand times before.
Speaker:If I'm nervous, then there's something wrong with me and so on.
Speaker:If you notice this happening, you can intercept and experiment with reframing sensations in
Speaker:different ways, thus creating some distance and bringing a calmer perspective on things.
Speaker:Perhaps your heart's beating fast because you're doing something new and exciting.
Speaker:Perhaps your heart's beating fast because you're human and doing something a little
Speaker:nerve-wracking and it's all perfectly okay.
Speaker:To get this distance, however, requires we first slow down, notice what we're doing
Speaker:and then notice the places where we can make different choices.
Speaker:Takeaways.
Speaker:The biggest difference between those who are anxious and those who aren't might be the
Speaker:difference between proactive and reactive.
Speaker:To be proactive is to hold the perspective that you are in charge of and responsible
Speaker:for your life and create conditions as you will them rather than react to conditions
Speaker:created by others.
Speaker:There are many ways to do this to make this mindset shift.
Speaker:Firstly, commit to dropping, blaming others or complaining about situations without taking
Speaker:action.
Speaker:If you notice yourself passively whining or resenting others, ask, what action can I personally
Speaker:take to change my situation?
Speaker:Change and difficulty is inevitable, but we can practice being flexible, creative and
Speaker:solution-oriented rather than getting bogged down in things not going our way.
Speaker:This reduces anxiety.
Speaker:We can be more proactive when we stop daydreaming or thinking about one day or if only.
Speaker:Again, we can take inspired action right now to empower ourselves.
Speaker:To gain a calm, proactive mindset, we can practice putting some distance between us
Speaker:and any strong emotions or thoughts we have.
Speaker:With psychological distance, we gain a broader perspective and empower ourselves to become
Speaker:conscious of our thoughts as thoughts, thus making space to choose consciously and proactively.
Speaker:By creating spatial, temporal or hypothetical distance, we are no longer at the mercy of
Speaker:external events, but have an internal locus of control.
Speaker:Our imaginations can also help us gain much needed distance and clarity.
Speaker:You can imagine yourself advising a friend to see a fresh perspective on an issue.
Speaker:You can also visualize another version of yourself to entertain other possibilities and alternatives.
Speaker:Finally, you can practice reframing perceptions and notice how you think and feel without
Speaker:attaching any stories, value judgments or resistance to that awareness.
Speaker:This alone brings calm but also opens up a space for a new perspective to emerge.
Speaker:This has been the overthinking cure.
Speaker:How to stay in the present, shake negativity and stop your stress and anxiety, written
Speaker:by Nick Trenton, narrated by Russell Newton.
Speaker:Copyright 2021 by Nick Trenton.
Speaker:Production copyright by Nick Trenton.
